Wednesday, January 26, 2011


It has been hard for me to be both a Mom and a caretaker. It was getting to where I felt I was failing both my Mom and my kids. The Bishop in my Ward here works with a preschool owned by his family and he offered my boys a place at there center as often and much as I want for no charge. Its been on of the biggest blessings but as everything in this situation it comes with a cost.

I worked in childcare for many years and one center I worked at in Lynnwood soured me on daycare. So while my heart rejoiced it also cried at the thought of my boys in childcare. That is why I stay home - so that I know they are getting the best care they can get. I was relieved when i went down there and found that I was impressed with how it was run and the teachers at the school.

My boys adapt, they always have. They love it with its huge playground and bikes. They even have a banana tree! Ive been packing them a lunch so they can eat there and Ive even started letting them nap there - Davis actually fell asleep there yesterday! Davis started the week before I left but Beckham wasn't two yet and he didn't start until we got back.

When I went to pick them up one day they were sitting outside eating at the little picnic tables. My little Beckham was sitting at a tiny picnic table with his lunch box out eating his chips out of the bag with his yogurt and apples. He wasn't throwing them or screaming or trying to get out of his seat like he does with me. He was just sitting there eating. My heart wanted to stop at that moment - he looked so grown up at school doing his big boy thing. Part of me burst with pride the other part of me felt a deep sadness. I want to be the one there feeding them but I cant be and that makes me sad. The other side realized that he probably wouldn't sit like that for me.

Maybe right now they are getting the best of both worlds. A place to run, play, be loud, and learn to listen better and then a Mom who picks them up from school and takes them straight to Disneyland.

I mean really - who gets to go to Disneyland everyday with Mommy.
Their life is pretty good.
As is mine.


Raelyn said...

I love you!
I think of you all of the time...and your mom and your family. I truly know how difficult it must be. I have read every one of your posts...and all of your moms as well. You are so beautiful, and you are doing the very best that you can with a very difficult situation. You are strengthening your boys whether they know it right now or not. Someday they will know and understand that being a good daughter/son is as important as being a good mommy.
On a lighter we both know from KC...the kids...they love to be there regardless of the guilt a parent may feel that they need to be.
You are amazing,
I truly hope that you know that!

Our Family Est. 2005 said...

Whoo Hoo Disneyland!

Mae said...

Oh, they're definitely getting the best of both worlds. A place to run and scream and play with new toys for a few hours? Total heaven. And then come home to mommy hugs and love? Also heaven!

Pam (Haslem) Dana said...

I'm glad it is all working out! Disneyland.... everday... they must be in heaven (and you)!!!

Sarie said...

Love ya Lis.....