Wednesday, January 30, 2013

To my future Daughter-in-laws

Just so you know I am working really hard to teach my boys to actually look when looking for something. I don't know if its a male thing, or a Henderson thing but they certainly did not get it from their mother! We often go over how searching doesn't mean stand in one place, scan, give up, and nag the woman in the house.

We also review on a regular basis that when looking for things you must move objects like blankets on the floor, or the backpack on the couch. They seem to struggle with the concept of object permanence.They seem to believe that if an object is not in sight it has ceased to exist.

We have talked over and over about the fact that fairy's and gremlins are pretend. But they insist that the shoe, sock, Lego, and backpack gremlins come in and move their things while they are not looking.

Please know that we are practicing at a very young age  - A LOT. I hope that I have some success but honestly, its not looking so good....


Tuesday, January 29, 2013


Our boys are so lucky to have so many cousins so close to their ages! They LOVE their cousins! We have been so lucky to see so much of our cousins in the last few months! It helps that Chris and Dianna just moved to CA so we get to see "the girls" (as they call them) so much more. The best part about cousins is that no matter how long we are apart its always picks right back up where they left off!

Friday, January 25, 2013



I can not believe how fun Legoland is for us right now! The boys ages are so perfect for it! John gets to go visit with Grandpa and Grandma for a few hours in the morning while we are at the park, which has been a blessing for John and Grandpa. Since the boys are getting older it doesn't overwhelm me to be at the park alone with them either :-)

The park was empty today! It was raining but that meant NO lines. Literally! Most rides we just rode over and over again without getting off!

I forced Davis and Becks each individually to go on the Coastersaurus with me. Seriously it was so embarrassing!  They were screaming so loud and were terrified. I'm sure people thought I was the meanest Mom ever for making them go! By the end end of the ride though they were beaming and laughing! Worth the embarrassment because now everyone can go together! I think we rode that coaster 30 times least!

The Star Wars Miniland was so much more fun for them now that they have seen the movies. And the best news - Beckham is finally 4 and could do the Joust ride! He has been waiting forever to be old enough! He loved it!

We were drenched about midday but thankfully it was warm enough that we were not freezing!

Dad brought us some money to do the family driers which helped too.

Rockin' out with the Rock band!

This was not even a ride but it was probably their favorite part of the day. They spent about an hour here! They built all sorts of cars and were trying to get them to jump onto the opposite ramp on the other side. They were pretty creative!

We spent a good part of our day in the ball shooting area too. Everyone always had a gun and Mom got annihilated! Davis has some wicked aim and got quite a bit of pleasure our of nailing me over and over again!

Despite the rain it was the perfect day!

Monday, January 21, 2013

3 day weekend

We had a great 3 day weekend. One I think will have to be a tradition more often. I finally allowed Caleb to watch Episode 1, 2, and 3 of Star Wars. It was so fun to go through all 6 right in row. I love Caleb's passion and the way he feels things so deeply. I was even impressed that Davis sat through most of them too. He loved to use his Lego Star Wars book and find the scenes in the movie in his Lego Star Wars Dictionary.

They were so excited to finish them that I told them if they had their room and their playroom clean this morning that they could watch them. At 7:00 I heard whispering and saw they were using a flashlight to clean up because Becks was still sleeping. Most of all I loved that they wanted me there watching with them and I had to read the beginning of each movie to them. Star Wars really does help bring up some great moral conversations.

After we were finished we headed over to the Dixie Springs Park to play and I let Caleb take his BB gun. There were some bottles there and the boys had so much fun shooting them!

And Davis took this lovely self portrait right up his nose :-)

Makes me miss summer and also reminds me how lucky I am to have such sensitive and loving boys who want to spend time with me. Cuddling and just relaxing with them mans the world to me!

Funny Beckham

Both conversations with Beckham today...

Becks: did you see that police? That was police not a cop. Cops are bad!
Mom: why are cops bad?
Becks: they shoot people, but not police.

Becks drinking a slurpee.
Mom: can I have a sip
Beckham goes to hand it to me then pulls it back. "Wait are you sick? You have to check you know"

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Who's the boss?

Beckham: Isn't Santa the boss?
Davis: Nope, its Jesus.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Beckham turns 4!

How could this have happened! Our baby is 4 years old! He has grown up so much in the last few months before our eyes!

He was so excited to open presents and all he said he wanted for his birthday was a big Thomas the train set. Thanks to his wonderful grandparents he got some very fun new additions to his set!

He had his favorite food for dinner. Artichokes and spaghetti. All that seems to change for birthday dinners around here is what color sauce goes on the noodles.

He wanted an ice cream cake. I made one out of Ice cream sandwiches and for the frosting we used cool whip and pudding mixed together. It was super yummy - very hard to make look pretty but worth it!

We set his new pieces up and the boys have had a blast with the new bridges. Our Thomas set has become so much fun!

Sweet are charming, fun, lively, crazy, and so so smart! You are also SO headstrong and stubborn and drive me up the wall! You want so badly to be independent and make all your own choices. You remind me of Caleb in so many ways. It will be one of your greatest strengths when you learn to channel your passion and Independence, until then you will drive me crazy! You challenge me and make me grow in so many ways. You are my refining fire :-) I love you so much and life would never be the same without you!

Happy Birthday!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Missed you....

I am back! How I have missed you my sweet blog!

I gave Facebook a try and was not a huge fan. Maybe I couldn't get past my prejudices of Facebook but I didn't feel it was very real or sincere. It's a quick "like" here and "share" there, but I didn't feel like anyone shared much of what was real and in their hearts. It was so quick, just an update on a status limited to a few lines and mixed up with no chronological order. No real way to see patterns and progression. There was no candid feeling or raw emotion. Facebook did not seem like it was created to be personal and intimate. It definitely wasn't a journal and it just wasn't for me.

Maybe I needed that space though over the past year. This year has been so healing. I think I have finally come to the final stage of grief - acceptance. Acceptance in that I have moved on and found normal again. Not that my Mom is forgotten but the pain is being forgotten. It feels like my Mom has been gone for so long and then today I realised that it hasn't even been two years.

I gained weight back this year. Its disappointing and frustrating but at the same time I couldn't do it all and focus on it all. Maybe the weight was its own way of protecting myself.

Whatever my reasons, I feel like I am ready to share again. Not like I share on Over the Big Moon. That is the final results of my thoughts and planning. This is my backstage. My rough draft put out there to remember. Here it is not the final result that matters but the process of becoming, changing, evolving, and even failing.

I have missed writing. I have missed the struggle to find the right words to express what I am thinking and feeling. I have missed the discoveries and clarity that came because of the writing process. Maybe no one missed my words, my thoughts, my discoveries...but I did. I have missed the process and what it means to me! All those things that might seem so meaningless individually, collectively meant so much to me.

It feels like I have come back home!

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Stake Conference talk

I wanted to post my talk that I gave in Stake Conference. It was a really cool experience for me. I was terrified at first but as I wrote my talk my fears subsided. This was definitely the largest audience I have ever talked to and I have never felt more calm during a talk. I learned a lot just from writing it and it reminded me of many important truths. While this is not exactly what I said and its not prefect from typos, it is close.

Good morning brothers and sisters. I was asked to speak today on one of my favorite subjects: Motherhood. I am the proud Mom of 3 boys. Caleb is 9, Davis is 6, and Beckham is celebrating his 4th birthday today.

When I found out I was pregnant with our first son I thought I had prepared thoroughly for motherhood. I had my bachelors degree in Human Development, I had 15 years childcare experience including working in a Romanian orphanage and managing a preschool and childcare center. I was so excited to bring our first little son home and give him the benefit of all of my knowledge and experience. It didn't take me very long to realize the only thing I really wanted to give our son was his pacifier!

Since then I have endured many more humbling experiences on the rollercoaster of motherhood. It has been a thrilling, fun, exciting and at times scary ride!

In the Family: A proclamation to the world we are taught: Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord”. Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

The proclamation also states: Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. Sister Julie B Beck described nurturing by saying:

Another word for nurturing is homemaking. Homemaking includes cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping an orderly home. Home is where women have the most power and influence; therefore, Latter-day Saint women should be the best homemakers in the world. Working beside children in homemaking tasks creates opportunities to teach and model qualities children should emulate. Nurturing requires organization, patience, love, and work. Helping growth occur through nurturing is truly a powerful and influential role bestowed on women.

Mother hood is the most amazing gift that often feels wrapped in plain packaging. Cooking, cleaning, and sorting laundry all day while trying to get a shower in can seem a little plain and redundant at times. But the work of keeping an orderly and nice home lays the ground work for love and learning to take place.

I have always felt passionate about making our home beautiful no matter what our budget has been. But in the days of Pinterest we must be careful to not allow our "house" to become the object of our homemaking. Sister Beck wrote of mothers who know:

They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all.

We live in a world that expects us to do it all. We have phones that beep reminders and updates beckoning us constantly back to them. One of my New Years resolutions is to unplug from 4-8 each day. I would like to not use any electronic media during this time. Its taking practice but I am getting better. I want to be completely present for my family during those hours when my loved ones are coming home from their days.

There are so many good things that we can fill our time with but Sister Beck said: Mothers who know are selective about their own activities and involvement to conserve their limited strength in order to maximize their influence where it matters most.

I was blessed with a wise mother who used her influence where it mattered most. As I look back now to my own growing up I can honestly only remember a handful of times my Mom was not home and waiting for me when I got home from school. I don't remember ever consciously wanting my Mom to be there, but I do remember being disappointed and it feeling empty when she wasn't there to greet me.

Many times Motherhood feels like that, a thankless and invisible job. No one quite notices what we do until we don't do it. Often I know I feel like I am going in circles. I clean my home all day only to mess it up cooking dinner, only to have to clean up a mess up again. Einstein said that Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Which completely explains why we as Mothers often feel like we are going crazy!

But a spotless kitchen is not our ultimate goal. It is the moments along the way that make it worth it. Chores set the stage for teaching opportunities.

And our children have never needed teaching like they do now. Elder L Tom Perry taught:

Teaching in the home is becoming increasingly important in today’s world, where the influence of the adversary is so widespread and he is attacking, attempting to erode and destroy the very foundation of our society, even the family.

Parents must bring light and truth into their homes by one family prayer, one scripture study session, one family home evening, one book read aloud, one song, and one family meal at a time.

I was uplifted to hear Elder Bednar's description in General conference in October 2009 when he admitted that many of their family home evenings had interruptions and outbursts, just like ours. But he said it was the consistency and intentions of their work that perhaps was the greatest lesson.

No matter our best attempt children are not going to be perfectly behaved. It can be incredibly discouraging to teach and feel like we are just not getting through to our kids. But they do hear us.

John and I were blessed beyond measure with our son Davis. He has the sweetest spirit and embodies the meaning of without guile. Over New Years we were in CA and he did something kind to one of his cousins. I told him that was so nice and that his kind heart was a gift from our heavenly father. He kind of looked at me like I was crazy and I thought that moment had really flopped. But later John related a story to me a few days later. All of the kids were outside throwing pop hits on New Year's eve and everyone had run out but Davis who then proceeded to share his with 10 other cousins and brothers. John comment to Davis that is was so nice of his to share and Davis replied back. Ya, I know. it's a gift from my heavenly father. Despite the fact that it didn't look to me that my message had got though, it had!

I was privileged to have an amazing Mother who gave of herself unselfishly at home to myself and my brothers.

Two years ago my Mom was diagnosed with ALS commonly known as Lou Gehrig's disease at the age of 58. From the time of diagnosis the life expectancy for someone with ALS is 2-5 years. My mother lived 4 short months after her diagnosis. With the support of my husband and friends I was able to move my two youngest boys down with me and live with and be her caretaker for the last 2 1/2 months of her life. It was a very sacred and cherished time of my life when I was able to care for my mother in all of the ways she had cared for me as a child.

When she passed away the world literally went dark for me. How could I possibly live in a world without the unwavering and constant love of my Mom. In her young death she gave me the greatest gift I could have ever been given as a Mom. She gave me glimpse of just how powerful the love of a mother can be. No matter what Satan plots and rages against my children I know that his power does cannot compare to the unselfish love I can bestow upon my children. It is powerful. It is holy. My mother's love continues to be one of the most influential example in my life.

Elder Perry said:

We see so many challenges today from distracting and destructive influences intended to mislead God’s children. We are seeing many young people who lack the deep spiritual roots necessary to remain standing in faith as storms of unbelief and despair swirl around them. Too many of our Father in Heaven’s children are being overcome by worldly desires. The onslaught of wickedness against our children is more subtle and more brazen than it has ever been. Teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ in the home adds another layer of insulation to protect our children from worldly influences.

As women we have a unique gift to nurture and protect our children. My husband is an amazing father, but when it comes down to being hurt or disappointed our children always want my comfort. Joseph F Smith said that:

The love of a true Mother comes nearer to being like the love of God than any other kind of love.

It is incredibly humbling to be an imperfect person ourselves feeling like we are stumbling on the path back to our Heavenly Father and then add trying to lead others along the way with us. We don't have to be perfect though, we just have to keep trying. May we as Mothers remember to focus our energies on where it matters most.

And it does matter most. I know this because I have seen it. In July of 2010 my Mom was healthier than she had ever been and was surrounded by all her children and grandchildren. 2 days later on August 2nd she slurred her speech for the first time and on September 14th she was told she was dying. In the 4 months between that time and when she passed away everything we thought mattered became nothing. The only things that mattered were her relationships. Her relationship with her Heavenly Father and her relationship with her family.

I would like to close by bearing my testimony that no matter how simple, redundant, or even boring it might seem to be a homemaker it is a sacred calling. I feel so privileged to be a woman and to have the gift of nurturing and love.

In the Name of Jesus Christ Amen.