Saturday, October 30, 2010

Happy Halloween!

Scrappy - Shaggy - Fred - Daphne - Scooby

Monday, October 25, 2010

We finally found the time over to Staheli farm for our annual fall FHE at the corn maze. It seems to get bigger and bigger each year!

Becks was not so sure about going on the barrel ride but he was happy in the end!
Davis headed straight to the tire horses which is always his favorite!

I knew the petting zoo would be one of the highlights for Beckham and it did not disappoint!

Every boy should have a dad like John....

Nothing like being thrown onto huge hay bales!

It was a blast, which is a good thing because despite my best efforts - Caleb may end up in the hospital from his asthma.

Friday, October 22, 2010

1st Place!!!!

Remember this post about the Reflections contest?

Caleb won 1st PLACE!!!
They are taking his picture on to the next level of competition.

I'm so proud of him. I think it means the most because it was all his work. His idea, his picture, his words. The only thing I did was put the camera on program mode, crop (he picked the parameters I clicked with the mouse), and order the picture.

What a stud.

Grandma and Grandpa are coming to night and we are going to par-tay!!!!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Conversations with Caleb

John: Caleb your a nut

Caleb: Dad I cant be a nut because then I would be allergic to myself

Breaking the news

I know thing have been heavy here lately on our blog, but reality is that our life is heavy. Please don't everyone read to much into the last few posts, that is grief. It is all over the place and its not necessarily always pretty or rational, but I'm not going to pretend that its not real.

This last week we told our boys that Grandma will not be getting better. It was hard...I don't really think there are words to describe it.

We did it over decorating cupcakes so that it didn't seem like such a serious "talk" and they seemed more interested in the sprinkles than in the conversation. But Caleb said it best, dying isn't scary." No, I told him its not you are are right, but that doesn't mean that it still wont be hard.

As the days have gone by I have watched it sink in. Mostly on Caleb. He talks a lot about taking care of Grandma and yesterday he pretended to be sick at school for the first time. I asked him what was really wrong and he said, "I'm just so sad about Grandma." I told him I understood I was sad too but that doesn't mean we can stop doing the things we are suppose to. Grandma would not want that. He headed back to class and then over an afternoon snack he told me he didn't want Grandma to die and I held him and told him I didn't either. We had a good cry holding onto each other.

His school is no stranger with grief. Last year one of the teachers died and her Granddaughters attended the school. There are also two girls who have a Father who is dying. They have a counselor there and she is going to start calling Caleb in every few weeks to check in with him and evaluate how he is doing and working with him. I'm glad we have a resource for him and especially one who has some experience with this.

Even though its hard, I'm glad its in the open. I was afraid they would hear me mention it on the phone and they wouldn't understand and just internalize it. Its hard to deal with it, but I think its harder to not deal with it.

Life is not easy, and while I don't want to make it harder on my boys I want them to learn resilience and develop the ability to cope with tragedy. That's what Grandma would do. She deals with life head on and is not afraid of anything. She taught us the same things growing up and she never sheltered us from hard things and it made us strong adults.

It would have been nice to start an a slightly smaller scale with my boys though :) This could be one of the hardest trials for them, almost like losing a parent. Grandma has never taken her duties as a Grandma to love, spoil, and play lightly. Not only that but Grandma worked hard to be sure each of them made it to this life safely and cared for the other boys when I could not. She gave me life, and she gave them life. That is a gift. Love.

These boys adore their Grandma Silly!

Monday, October 18, 2010


Beckham is officially not allergic to Peanut Butter!

Sunday, October 17, 2010


Caleb wanted to enter the Reflections PTA contest in the Photography category. The theme this year is "Together we can". Here is his picture and his artists statement.

I wanted to build a town with my Geo Trax Train to show people working together and I wanted to build it with my brother Davis. We can work together too.

My Mom let me use her camera and I took lots of pictures of our town from lots of different ways. I liked this one the best because it looks like the girl is waiting for the train.

By Caleb Henderson

I'm pretty proud of him. That's a pretty rockin' picture! For the record I really did walk away and left him with my camera. He took about 200 pictures and then told me he was done and I put the card in and found a lot of good pictures. He really loves photography and he really has a talent for it!


Its raining here tonight. Normally that means cozy and warm. Tonight it feels like the world is all wrong. I see all these things unraveling and I don't know how to fix them.

(Updated to add disclaimer: for the record I'm not talking about John in this next section. I don't feel it appropriate to name names but I did need to be sure that in leaving names out it didn't give anyone the impression that its John because that would break my heart).

Fixing them requires both parties wanting that. The last 8 years or so dealing with certain people in my life have taught me that lesson all to well. You cant force anyone to care - or change. So now I usually try to just take a deep breath do my best and move forward and not worry about it.

But this time its so much harder. The stakes are different. Maybe I should learn from the lessons that the past and the pain I felt from this other situation have taught me. But you know me...I always have to try.

Although this time I haven't.
How do people sit by and let things unravel? How do they make their hearts not care? Why was I blessed (or cursed?) to be a doer? I want to just sit back and not care. How?

I will learn from the past just this one time.
Maybe it will good for the others?
Maybe they don't even care?

I think I might go lay on the trampoline in the rain.
That sounds cleansing.

Saturday, October 16, 2010


I wish I could I say that life is sweet right now. Of course in many ways it is. But for my own honestly and for the record of my life I just wanted to write that the last month has been one of the hardest of my life. Real, raw, gut wrenching emotion that has made me feel at times that I might spontaneously combust. You would think that it has everything to do with my Mom, and in a way it does, because it has made me so much more sensitive, especially to relationships.

But the truth is its the other relationships in my life that have tried me the most right now. I have never been surrounded by people and felt so utterly alone all at once. Its not one person in particular, in fact it seems to come from all groups in my life right now.

Today a friend and I had a talk. She was one of those that I felt there had been distance with, an emotional separation of sorts. It was wonderful to hear from her that she really deeply does care about me and wants to be my friend. Sounds kind of corny when I write it out but I feel about 100 pounds lighter having that one relationship feel mended.

Maybe people think because I am strong and because I do what is needed and just keep going that I don't need to be cared for like others do. Or maybe people get so use to me taking care of everything that they don't think they might need to step in. I try so hard to take care of others and sometimes I just wish someone would come take care of me. Sometimes it sucks to be the steady and strong one.

To that friend, thank you. You have no idea how much I needed to feel loved today.
Today for even just a little bit, I don't feel so alone.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Riding the Bridal Veil Falls Trail

The End.
Thanks for a great vacation everyone!

All of the grand kids on the Henderson side of the family. We sure make em' cute!

The newest addition: Jocelyn. She is darling and sweet, I wish I could hold her and cuddle her again!

The siblings

The girls

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The highlight of the game for me was to walk out of the third quarter at the same time as this wonderful Man.
Given BYU's performance since this game,
I think we picked the right game to go to this season.

Tomorrow - Temple Square