our little plot of land

The boys and I spent 2 1/2 hours outside this morning. Digging, weeding, planting. There is something about taking nothing and creating something. We are still in the beginning stages of our landscaping but we have a vision and when its all done it will be amazing and exactly what we wanted - down to the last plant. It might take us 15 years too :)

My hired help...
Our garden beds...just waiting for the heat.
I want to have a nice perennial garden that comes back year after year, just like my Grandma Irene's garden at the lake. Right now its pretty barren looking but I planted a bunch of seeds for now. They are sprouting slowly.

We had to replace a couple trees.
Fruit!!! It was devastating to pluck off about 30 peaches and pears but we really want the trees to spend their energy on rooting this year so they are healthier in the future. We did leave about 5 on each tree.

Blast the wind! We have had an unusually cold spring. Normally I'm not begging for the heat but we need it! You cant tell in the picture but the wind was going about 50 miles and hour.

Be sure to look at the previous post....I'm doing a giveaway for one of YOU :)

500th post!!!

This is officially my 500th post. Its amazing that my brother had to talk me into a blog. It actually took some persuading but I'm hooked!

In my 500th post I'm going to do something that Ive wanted to do since I started my blog which is give something away. I don't know why...I just always have. The great news is my blog is private and there are only probably about 10 people who actually read it so your chances are really good if you are one of those 10 people!

All you have to do is leave me a comment.

Working for Janey Mac has its benefits since Lynnette hooked me up with some extras that she had for me to give away. I didn't want to discriminate against men or women so this actually has something for both.

First up for the men:

This decal is dark brown. Perfect for his office, the garage, and even more perfectly we had a customer buy it for their bathroom. I certainly know of one of my readers for whom that is very appropriate - for the record its not John - he actually doesn't read my blog :)

Now for the ladies:

This is a 3 pack damask pattern in black. It looks great over a frame, bookshelf, oven, or anywhere.

So if you want a chance to win either of these just leave a comment and I will either drop them by your house or mail them to you. I will randomly pick someone on Sunday night.

See isn't this fun!

Biggest Boy on the Block

(Davis right before trying to go see - How to tame a Dragon - We were attempting to help him with his sensitivity to noise. My Dad said they never even saw the screen before Davis was out of there!)

It seems that Davis has really turned into a little boy in the past month or so. Toddler Davis is gone and in his place is this amazing, rough, playful, boy.

I am eating this stage up right now.

The fact that he brings me flowers all of the time sure helps too. Seriously any flower that is spotted must be picked for Mom, and anyone else around. He especially likes it when I tuck them behind my ears!

Back Home

We drove home yesterday from our week long vacation.

The drive was short.
Our reunion with John was sweet.

As I was driving I was thinking about how I feel like I'm always saying "I'm rejuvenated." It made me feel like I'm weak. Like I always need help getting back on top of things. Then I thought about how much my well gets depleted:

Cook, clean, nurture, assist, discipline, laundry, playing, gardening, budgeting, volunteering, teaching, listening, holding, nursing, bathing, dressing, carpooling, diapering, reading, redirecting, organizing, fixing, multitasking, loving, laughing, joking, choosing, shopping, watching, protecting, creating, demonstrating, repeating, reminding, redoing

As a Mom I am constantly doing for others and it wears you out so fast. Add in working, friends, along with being a wife and everything else I'm involved in and I'm exhausted!

I also realised that I'm going to be coming out of that stage in just a year or so. I don't think I will be as demanded on later as I am right now. Not that my kiddos wont need me but in a physical sense Beckham will be growing into a stage where he wont need so much physical assistance. The emotional demands wont change, in fact if Caleb is any sort of indicator I think they will get worse. But the constant - on your guard trying to keep Beckham entertained and safe will get easier.

Usually that is when we would have another baby. I felt "done" after Beckham but I thought that might just be what I needed to feel then. That feeling has since gotten so much stronger.
I really expected to feel the opposite.

I know that the next stage of life will come with challenges but I am so excited for the independence that will come with it. Not just for me but for my kiddos. I feel like there will be so much more of ME to give to them because it wont be worn out so fast from the physical demands of a toddler.

For now though, I feel rejuvenated.
Ready to face the week ahead of me and enjoy each and every little moment with them before we do grow out of this time.

(okay okay so Becks broke his 8th tooth and is all happy again...that helps too)

Vacation Day 3

Hair trimmed and highlighted- check
Toenails all pretty and painted- check
Boys in jacuzzi- check

Still to go today:
Quick trip to the post office
Perhaps we will go walk the Mall and eat an Auntie Ann's pretzel
Dad's BBQing steak for dinner

I love CA. Seriously I miss it sometimes and I'm just enjoying it. My Mom spoils me rotten, but hey I'm her only girl. :) She is the one that use to take me to the Mall and eat pretzels. Now I want to do that with my kiddos. My Dad BBQing, even if it rains. It just feels like home...

Vacation Day 1 & 2

Everyone can rest assured that Caleb now has seen a skyscraper as we drove through Vegas :)
Sadly I don't have any pictures for this post but I haven't felt like being cumbered down with my camera when we have been having fun. Sometimes I just want to live in the moments, not capture them.

Day 1

• Unpack and organize
• Washed the car, boys played in the gutter and got all dirty
• Beckham napped, boys swam
• Introduced the boys to Slurpee's, they got the big size with the clear cup so they could see their layers
• Movie time
• Park
• Discovered a type of tree covered in lady bugs. Literally. Ive never seen anything like it.
• Angels Baseball game

Day 2:

• Sea World with Grandpa and Grandpa Henderson!

I just want to give a little shout out to Sea World. They have really made it an incredible park. I think its comparable to Disneyland. They have gorgeous landscaping, a lot to do, and I love their kiddo play area. We all love and enjoy it from Beckham to Grandpa. Maybe its because we always go there with our Grandpa and Grandma Henderson but Sea World has become very special to us.

Tomorrow...I'm finally getting my hair cut!

Leaving it all behind

That right!
Its been a crazy month or so.
I feel like Ive been telling my kiddos, "in a little bit" for weeks now.

So goodbye to my scheduled life, my responsibilities, my life here in UT.
The kids and I are on our way to CA for a week.

Pool
Beach
Perhaps a baseball game
Parks
Swings
Cooking classes
Books
Games
Walks
Laying on the grass

For a week I'm going to be nothing but a good Mom.
When my kids say Can we.... or Will you....I'm going to do nothing but say YES!
For a whole week!

T-Ball

Yesterday was Caleb's first T-ball game. I really think this might be Caleb's sport. He loves it and he can really thrown! I realized that T-ball is much more involved than soccer and there is a lot to learn. He has the best coach! Hes patient and encouraging. Check out this swing...

Out in the field

He does not seem to get that you have to have the ball to get someone out. For example his coach told him to cover first base if the first basemen had to go get the ball. So each time the first basemen left the base (and even sometimes when he hadn't left the base) Caleb would run and dive to base and hit it with his mit!

He is so funny about the cheer. He rounds everyone up and says,
"Come on guys, hands in, hands in, lets go."
He is going to be a great coach someday!

Grass stains in the spring actually make me very happy!

Small town boy....

Caleb: Mom are skyscrapers real or pretend?
Me: They are real
Caleb(excitedly): Do you think I will ever get to see one?

Yard Work

John is building me some garden boxes which I'm pretty excited about. Cross our fingers that we will be finished with them and can plant this Saturday.

The other day we were having a perfect yard day which looks a lot like this:

One shoe, dirty, lots of fun.

When a friend pulls right up to our lot on his horse. Yep, that's how things roll here in Hurricane. He chatted for a while and then spent time giving the boys rides around. They were not afraid of the horse at all. Even Becks wanted to be right up there touching him. Caleb was so cute and went in the house and got the horse a drink of water which Davis then had to do, over and over.

It was a perfect Saturday!

Cute boys

The girl I ordered the boys aprons from wanted a few pictures to put on her site. I broke the camera out for a minute and took these. A picture of all 3 is pretty much impossible. Poor Becks is really sick and he did not want to cooperate. You can see my little stars here.




Sometimes being a Mom is so hard. Honestly you give it all up.

Everything.

I'm not saying you don't get good things back but I haven't had a spare minute in weeks. My day today: Teach joy school, feed lunch, hold Becks because he wont be put down, clean up after joy school, take Davis to Gymnastics, take Caleb to Karate, take Caleb to baseball practice, do dinner all by myself because John is on a church assignment. Not to mention that today we get to do it all while making accommodations for Caleb's class stuffed monkey. I got to make a stuffed monkey lunch when I didn't even get to eat breakfast. I never thought I would be jealous of a dumb stuffed animal.

Its nonstop 7 days a week. I'm so tired. I know exercise will help me feel better, Ive been trying to go for a run for 2 weeks. Still no luck.

Seriously when do I have time to shower let alone run!?! My hair has needed to be cut for over a month. I haven't even had time to make an apt let alone make the time to do it!

The calling of a mother is to always be last, I accept that. Its just hard some days.

I know I will never look back and regret that I made this choice but still sometimes I just want to feel all put together.

Maybe tomorrow.

Old School Hurricane

I am so excited about our new find! The old Hurricane Elementary School closed down and they were selling off the old (like vintage old) chairs and desks. Both Caleb and Davis are in the coloring phase and I was so excited to be able to get them their own little desks. They are in heaven!

There is only one problem with our new set up and it looks like this:

Don't worry Beck's we have one more with a yellow chair for you.
I love them and for $2.50 a piece I think they were a steal!

Out with my Man

Nothing makes me feel young like going out without kids.


I love remembering the fun girl that it seems I only "use" to be.

I hope as our kids grow and are not as needy she will be here more often.

Its one of those paradoxes in life that when we need to go out the most,
its the hardest with both time and especially money.

All I know was that we really needed tonight to be out together and I'm so glad we made the chance.
I sure do love this guy.
Not only is he a great guy...I sure think hes a babe!


Hes the most handsome when hes laughing with me.
He has the best laugh. I love the way he looks at me when I'm carefree.

I'm working on being that girl more often.

Dinner with Davis

...maybe I should have put Desserts with Davis because this kid made the best cupcakes Ive ever had.



Perhaps it was the licking of the spoon while creating that made the difference.

The right place at the right time

I know that there are 3 very specific choices that I have made in my life that I can look back and see that they were the major crossroads in my life that have led me to who I am now and where I am now.
They are:

• Going to BYU
• Going to Romania
• Going to Seattle

I look back on each of those experiences and see the way that I was led by the Lord to be in the right place at the right time.

BYU that's obvious...my Dad told me I had to apply to 2 schools at least. I wanted to go to Ricks college (its now BYU Idaho but at the time it was a JC). I applied to BYU because I wanted to appease my Dad. I didn't have the grades or ACT score for BYU but my Dad insisted. I got the letter from BYU and I was shocked when I saw that I had been accepted. I think I just about killed my Dad when I said I still wanted to go to Ricks. Everyone thought I was crazy but I didn't care. Then I got my rejection letter from Ricks. Seriously? Who gets into a very competitive 4 year school and gets rejected from a Junior College. I had no choice but to go to BYU.

See what I mean led to go the right place....or more like forced but I'm stubborn and the Lord knows that. Ive never written about my experience that led me to Romania and wanted to write it down so that I would never forget how I was once again held by the hand and directed to go.

It was halfway though the fall semester at BYU of my Junior year. I think the weather was getting to me. I wanted to go home. I told my parents and my Dad was not happy (at this point I may as well point out that my Dad has been pivotal in all of these stories and been a major catalyst). I really wanted to come home and he finally agreed but told me to register for classes at least, just in case I changed my mind. Hes really good at contingency plans. I like most smart daughters ignored his advice because I just KNEW I wasn't going to be staying at BYU for the Winter Semester.

In December I was getting everything ready to go home and there was probably about a week left in the semester. One day I was walking across campus (right in front of the Joesph Smith Memorial building going toward the Eyring Science Center) and my feelings just changed. I mean in 1 second I felt the complete opposite. I COULD NOT go home. I was shocked I didn't know what to do! I tried to register for some classes but NONE of my classes were open. I was freaking out. My Dad was going to be so mad at me!

I went to my Parenting class that day so upset and so unsure of what to do. My teacher started class and said that he had a quick announcement and that they were trying to put together a group of students from the Nursing, Sociology, and Human Development programs to go over to Romania and work in an Orphanage there. They apologised that it was last minute because it was for the next semester so if you were going you would have to drop all of your classes.

It hit me so powerfully that this was my answer.

I went straight over to see Dr Seger in the SWKT to talk to him about it. He told me what they wanted to do and told me that there were going to be interviews that week. I was so nervous both to tell my Dad and also that I might not be accepted.

When I went to the interview there were about 20 people there and they were taking 3. They had us do all sorts of activities where we had to problem solve and they were just watching us. I was so nervous I don't think I said much of anything. I felt like a lab rat. They also asked us questions in small groups. They said they were going to narrow it down (I cant remember to how many) and then call us back for individual interviews. I knew I had blown it. I just remember being so sad and so disheartened about the whole thing.

I don't remember how I found I had a second interview but this time I went in more confident. Talk to me one on one, I can handle that. I thought it went well but I saw some of the other girls that got invited back and I didn't feel a lot of hope. The competition was stiff. When I got the acceptance I felt the most excited I had ever felt to that point in my life! I was accepted! I was saved from having to tell my Dad I didn't really register for classes like he had told me to do a hundred times!

I remember asking my parents if I could go. At the time I was really insensitive to the fact that it probably cost them a lot of money not to mention the worry of sending your only daughter to a very 3rd world country. It never even occurred to me to think of the details like that. I was a little bit spoiled, I wont deny that. My parents were supportive and I had their permission!

When my feelings had switched and I thought I need to stay at BYU after thinking I needed to go home I remember feeling so dumb. Why did I change my mind so much? Why when I was trying to do what was right did I always feel like I was messing things up?

I can see now that it was really the promptings of the Spirit that led me to those feelings that eventually led me right where I needed to be. What I love even more and is such a testimony to me is how mindful my Heavenly Father is of each of us. He knows me so personally that he was able to not only use me but also my Dads innate qualities to lead me right where I needed to be. He knew exactly how to help me get there.

I'm so grateful for that. I'm so grateful that I have the parents I do.

It changed my life.

Homesick

Last night I stayed up until 2:00 in the morning reading. Pam gave me a book about a girl who feels called to go to Romania to help the Orphans there. I was mesmerised. Reading her story was like going through it all again. I could see and feel everything she was feeling. It was a surreal experience. From the airports, taxis, roads, stray dogs, Gypsies, to the public transportation, the smells on the streets, the people, the churches, the Internet cafes. Most of all the look of the cribs lining the walls, the smells that only changing diapers twice a day brings, the receiving blankets as diapers, and most especially the empty looks of the babies.
It was like I got to experience it all again for the first time.

I was so homesick last night for Romania.

When I finally went to bed I cried myself to sleep the ache was so deep. I want to go back. Its a call that I cant explain but it pulls at my heart. It was only 3 months of my life but it had more impact than anything else I have ever done. Ever.

It made me who I am. It gave me strength to know I could do anything. It gave me confidence. It gave me perspective for life.

I want to share that with John. It is so important to me that he gets so share that part of me. To understand that part of me that no one but Rachel and Kirsten can right now. I was so tempted to just buy tickets and go. Worry about everything else later. Flights alone for 2 people are $2040. I checked. I have never been tempted to have credit card debit until last night.

I thought of each of my babies.
My little Narcis will be 13 this year. I cant even imagine that. He was Becks age when I was there.
Does he remember that for 3 months of his life he was loved by a mother. Does he know that being a Mother to my own children feels no differently than what I felt for him there.

What ever happened to my little Mariana, Roxana, Nicolina, Florin, Andrei....

I toured Iasi in my mind. My city, my home. I am starting to forget where each of the streets meet up. I was uncertain if I could walk the back streets over the railroad tracks to get to the orphanage.

I'm so afraid things are going to be different when I go back.
I'm so afraid things will be the same when I go back.

It hurts so much to not know when we will ever be able to go back. I want to take our boys. I want them to understand. I want John to understand.

I want to recapture the fire that Romania pulsed into my body.
It gave me life in a way I have never experienced.

Easter Sunday

Our Easter Sunday started out a little rough as you can see.

Davis and Becks were suppose to get their first blood test done here at home. I say suppose to because well we couldn't get enough blood. I bought the extra thin pokers and it wouldn't make them bleed enough. It was awful! I have a new appreciation for parents who have children with diabetes. So after about 4 pokes each and John and I squeezing their little fingers raw, we gave up.

Nothing the Easter Bunny and a good egg hunt couldn't fix.

Mom was very excited that the Easter bunny delivered the boys new Chef hats and aprons! Each of them has their own personalized saying (Cooking with Caleb, Dinner with Davis, Baking with Beckham). They are pretty stinkin' cute!



We had a yummy breakfast of crepes filled with strawberries and fresh blackberries with whipping cream. Followed by our church General Conference which was absolutely amazing! Just remember to clear the table otherwise you might find this a few hours later:

He was happy!

Warning: Parents may want to proof read this!

There you are all warned just in case your kids have been able to make it longer than Caleb.

Today was a big day...

Caleb no longer believes in the Easter Bunny and Santa Clause. Its been one of the most shell shocking moments of motherhood for me. Really...my boy is THAT big.
John was devastated. 6 are they really finding out that early?

I could just hear it in the way he asked. There was so much skepticism, so much doubt. I'm pretty sure he was told at school and was seeking answers. I was so tempted to skirt it and help him believe like I did at Christmas but I just couldn't. I want him to trust us. He asked me if I was lying.

I couldn't not tell him.

He hasn't even lost a tooth yet and I know he wont believe in the tooth fairy.
That seems so unfair.

Plus he doesn't really know how to keep a secret. I think it will be a miracle if we make it through Easter without him blowing it for Davis. I'm so sad. Its like there is a part of his childhood that died. Dramatic, maybe but I feel so robbed of a couple years of magic.

Oh sweet boy, don't be so rushed to grow up.

I don't really remember when I stopped believing in the Easter Bunny and Santa Clause. John thinks he was 8 or 9 before he found out. I really don't remember but I know I believed in the tooth fairy.

How old were you?

Cousins!

Oh boy were our kiddos in heaven!

We did so many fun things but I didn't even break the camera out except when we went 4 wheeling with this guy...

We sure do love the Hickens!
They took us all out and it was a blast. Caleb even got to ride on dirt bikes and ride up hills that made Moms heart leap out!

I was a happy girl just riding behind my man.
I love me a good excuse to just hold him tight!

I think Caleb had the best seat when we all went riding. He got to ride with Jay on his dirt bike and they were all over the place!

We also went hiking with the Hickens and had a campfire, went to the pool, Taste of Brazil, Pirate Island Pizza, and tons of just being together.

We love having our cousins come!