Caleb is finally off of breathing treatments.
Beckham started breathing treatments today.
Medical Plan apt with the school done.
Another one scheduled for Monday.
Had to buy a second nebulizer.
Had to pay all dental deductibles.
Family medical deductible for the year is with the USPS on the way to our mailbox.
Davis saw bacon in the freezer and got excited.
Don't want to tell him hes not allowed to have it.
Racking my brain to come up with what to feed him for lunch and dinner tonight.
Self doubt as I worry that his body is getting what it needs to grow.
Arm blood draw for Beckham in 4 days.
Waiting and praying for low numbers.
Worrying about the cost of PKU formula.
Messy house.
Finally got the house clean.
Its messy again.
Got the laundry done.
Dirty baskets are full again.
Yesterday my day with Caleb was....
there is no word for it.
I told him he could have a friend over after he cleaned his toys in the playroom:
Crying. Complaining. Whining. Snuck out of house and went to friends house. Lied to friends Mom. I came. He told me he never wanted to go to our house again. Embarrassed. Walking home holding his hand. He starts fighting me. Pick him up. Hitting and kicking. Bloody nose for Mom. Neighbor watching. Put him in time out. He slams door. His says mean things. Mom sobbing. Finally he sounds calm. Open door. Caleb's gone. In the car playing. More Caleb yelling. More of him saying he hates me. More of Mom sobbing quietly in the next room. More lying. Dad comes home early. Caleb calms down. More disobedience. Try to put him to bed early. More fighting. More out of control. Finally get him in control. He is exhausted. He is asleep in a minute. Dad and Mom just stare at each other. We are exhausted. We are speechless.
Is it a stage?
Is it the new asthma medicine?
Has something traumatic happened at school?
What happened to our child?
Cant help but feel I went wrong somewhere as a Mom.
Quietly cried myself to sleep.
Today I hold Beckham.
Squeeze him into me longing for the simplicity of Motherhood to come back to this age.
When did being a Mother get so hard?
