You will NOT believe this! Our Black Friday adventure....

Retail Value $720.00
Out of Pocket $52.00

Today of course is black Friday and John looked at all of the deals and found the the first 100 people at Sports Authority get a scratch off bonus bucks card. They are mostly $10 but there are some of higher value and the big kahuna of $300. You have to use them today and you cant combine them. They had these great Coleman sleeping bags (reg price $30) on sale for $9. I told John if he made me a bed in the van that I would go with him to get a second card. He took all the seats out of the van and piled it high with a mattress, pillows, and blankets for me. We drove up to Cedar City at 2:15 am and arrived in the parking lot at 3:00. We were the only ones there so I laid down in my comfy bed and slept.

People started arriving around 4:00. John got in line around 4:15. He called me in the car at 4:50 and I got out and got in line. They opened at 5:00 and as we entered they gave us our scratch cards and we furiously started scratching as I was running to the bathroom. I saw 3 numbers on mine and my heart jumped...could I really have got a card worth $100 or more. Yes....two zeros as my heart is speeding up and I'm scratching furiously. $300!!!! I didn't know what to do so I just looked at John and turned my card to him and he froze and stared! We speechlessly parted ways grinning ear to ear, me to the bathroom and him to grab sleeping bags because that was the plan, 2 sleeping bags.

We met up and just looked at each other...Of course we had fantasied about what to do with $300 but we hadn't really given it any real thought because come on, the chances of that were slim. Suddenly here I was holding our very own golden ticket. Laughing and with wide eyes John asked, what the heck do we get? BIKES was all I could think of. We ran to the bike section just in time to get two sweet mountain bikes (reg price per bike $329) on sale for $169. We have wanted bikes for a while but its always one of those things that never makes the budget. We grabbed them up and headed to the check out with our two new sweet bikes and 2 sweet sleeping bags....I'm suddenly a huge believer in black Friday!

The only drawback was they only had 1 girl bike and someone had just got it so we bought two boy bikes and I'm going to throw one of them on Craig's list and see if we can sell it and then get a girly bike for me and carrier for the kiddos so that we can bike all over this summer!

I'm so excited! Its seems to surreal!

My grateful heart...

As I sit and think about what I am most thankful for this year I am overwhelmed at the blessings in my life. The last month really has made me realize what an amazing family I have, all of our family who have prayed for us and given us encouragement. Right now there are a few people who I want to give special thanks to...

• My parents have always stood by John and I in good and bad times. I will NEVER forget the first call I had with them after I found out we were going to have problems with this pregnancy, they just both assured me that we are family and we take care of each other. They have been by my side through all of medical issues I have had over the past couple years and been there for me when I needed them, or even when they know I just want them here. I always feel like I can still come home to Mom and Dad and they will make everything better. Sometimes I just call to hear their voices. Its such a blessing to have a Dad and Mom like mine.
• My sister in law Kate who has been a surrogate mother for my boys the past couple of weeks. I know it probably hasn't been easy but she has always been positive and made me feel that the boys are welcome. I appreciate so much the work she has done but more importantly the love she has given to them. At the end of the day she also has provided me with an update on her blog and posted some pictures so I can feel connected to my boys.
  
• My brother Brian who not only has handled all of my questions regarding the economy for the past year patiently but who also has taken in our boys. He even came home early all last week from work to be there to help.
• My brother Mark who also patiently answers all of my computer/photoshop questions. I'm sure both of my brothers wish I did not use them as my go-to boys but they are the best, so why go anywhere else.
• My sister in law Lisa who has given me comfort that only she can offer because in some ways only she can understand some of the feelings that I have had.
• Our Grandma John and Grandma Barb who have been so supportive and have been there for me to discuss some heavy issues with and help me see things in perspective. They truly have unconditional love for us and its such a blessing to our lives.
• My sweet John who has stood by my side through all of this patiently bearing my emotional state and helping me laugh at myself. It has been so fun and endearing for us to have some one on one time and it helps me remember just how lucky I am to be his wife. He believes in me even when I don't believe in myself and sees me the way that I can be and the potential I have. I love him so much more today than the day than I married him and eternity doesn't seem like a long enough to be together.
• Last of all my Caleb and Davis. You just never appreciate your children enough when they are around but having them be away has made me realize just how lucky I am to be their Mother. I was never able to fully appreciate what the Savior meant when he tells us to be like children until I had the two most perfect boys . They are so quick to love, forgive, and be kind. I could keep writing but I'm crying a little to hard that contractions are starting so I better stop although I could go on forever....

I'm so excited to add yet another sweet baby to this family. Beckham is so blessed to be able to be born into such a wonderful family, not only to those in his immediate family but with such a great extended family too.

2 weeks down....2 to go!

(Caleb and I goofing off with the camera the day before he left for CA)

I cant believe we made it half way! I cant say that its been easy but now that I have been getting so much done in Photoshop and just generally all that paper and computer stuff Moms don't have time for I know the next two weeks is going to fly because I'm running out of time. Don't get me wrong, I wish they were coming home tomorrow but at least we are on the downside of the countdown now and since I'm determined to scrapbook the last year and half before the kids come home and Beckham arrives I think time is going to fly!

Caleb is finally taking on the phone a little more and its nice to visit with him. He tells me all about how hes "taking care of his brother" and making sure that I don't leave any of his friends off of his birthday party invitation list.

His party is going to be awesome! One, because I have so much time on my hands to prepare. Two, because I feel like its welcome home gift for him so I want it to be so much fun. Three, last year we were finishing our house and moving in right at his birthday time and so it really got overlooked. All this year he has been going to birthday parties and asking me if he will ever have a birthday party and it broke my heart so I want it to be everything hes been dreaming it up to be!

I could continue to ramble on and on but that's just me missing them so much that I feel connected when I'm talking about them!

*Yes, my Dr apt is today but I don't think I'm being checked just put on the monitor. The last two days have been very quiet from contractions and even from the intense pressure...I guess I haven't really moved from my chair or the couch though...

For those who helped and sent boxes to Iraq...

Tyler here, just updating on the boxes for Bartolla.

Hey everyone- as you can see, we've gotten a couple hundred boxes for Bartolla and I can't thank you enough for all the support you show for everyone over here. We even got a box from California that was just for my unit. Thanks!! (Lisa here- I actually think he may be reffering to the box my mom sent since she told me that she sent one for the soldiers and shes from CA)
I wish I had a timeline that you can expect photos and updates of the delivery of these boxes, but we do still need to take care of the main mission over here, and that makes taking a whole day to go deliver boxes a little difficult right now.
Please be patient with me, and know that I'm doing everything I can to get these boxes over to the people of Bartolla. For me, helping these people is probably the most important mission of my deployment and I appreciate your help in accomplishing it.
Thank you again,
Tyler Adams.

When you have nothing but bedrest to do...

My list dropped off my front page and I needed it back so I can keep feeling like Im getting something done...

• Finish wrapping Christmas and birthday gifts, have John mail them (done)
  
• Change our life insurance (done)
  
• Scan pictures into Johns scanner at work (done)
  
• finish working on two projects in Shutterfly (done)
  
• Do my visiting teaching (done)
  
• read the whole conference ensign (reading 2 talks a day)
  
• make remaining gifts for Christmas (painted, holes drilled, just need to do the vinyl)
  
• watch North and South on Netflix (done)
  
• Wash all of Beckhams clothes and organize them (done)
  
• pack bag for the hospital (done)
  
• put labels on the cans while John cans everything at the cannery (done)
  
• get Christmas cards done and addressed (done)
  
• write a few special thank yous (started)
  
• Catch up on filing and go though papers (done)
  
• Get all AYSO business done and organized (done)
  
• take time to enjoy being with John when we don't have kids to take care of (enjoying)
  
• Learn more about Photoshop Elements (I dont think I will ever be "done" but Ive learned a lot)
  
• download free digi kits and organize them (done)
  
• Do some digital scrap booking (done with 2006, 2007 done except for a few pages I cant do until I scan some Disney stuff in, 2008 well on its way)
  
• redo blog for Christmas (done)
  
• Make more file folder games and replace pieces in games that are missing...
• watch all 6 hours of Pride and Prejudice while coloring the file folder games and not be interrupted
• Make and send out Birthday invitations for Calebs 5th (done)
  
• Finalize birthday party preparations (done)
  
• buy remaining items needed for party (mostly done)
  
• get state inspection for car (done)
  
• mail in car registration (done)
  
• Buy and consume a jar of peanut butter while Caleb is gone (bought and loving every spoonful)
  
• Read books mom and dad brought (4 down)
  
• take books to exchange them at used book store (saving until there is a book I want to read)
  
• John put up Christmas decorations (done)
  
• decorate for Caleb's party (bought the supplies but have to wait until Dec 9th)
  
• buy Johns Christmas present (done)
  
• Sit in Johns truck at 3:00am while he waits in line on black Friday at Sports Authority, I sure must love this man (done and SO WORTH IT!)
  
• Have John help me make Pioneer woman's pecan pie for me and a banana cream pie for him as our Thanksgiving offering (done)
  
• Put goody bags together for Caleb's birthday at preschool (done)
  
• Clean, wrap, and drop off toys for DI's Christmas shopping for families in need (done)
  
• Organize photos on computer and get a better system down (done)

Small and so precious

Caleb is not much of a talker on the phone (which is okay since as my brother Brian put it so well when he gets on the phone he starts to speak in tongues). I never knew how hard he was to understand on the phone. Needless to say I haven't really had much meaningful conversations with him. Most of them go something along the lines of, "I will talk to you when you come here, bye."

When I talked to Caleb yesterday I got the same rushed impossible to understand conversation and a too quick "bye." After talking to Kate for a few minutes Caleb came back and I heard him ask to say something else. She gave him the phone and in a clear slow tone he said,

"I love you"

I wont ever forget the sound of that little voice uttering those sweet words to his Mama.

Dear Caleb

Hey buddy! Mommy decided to go into town today to do a little grocery trip and I went and got all sorts of fun things for your big Transformers Party!We are going to have so much fun!

I miss you and hope you will keep being a good boy for Auntie Kate and Uncle Brian. Go give Davis a big hug and kiss for me!

I love you!
Mommy

Pretty Funny

Okay maybe I would freak too but I thought this was pretty funny, or maybe I have WAY to much time on my hands!

Great News!

The test came back negative. I was contracting on the monitor so I still have to be careful but at least we know that there is practically no chance that the baby with come in the next two weeks. That will take me to 33 1/2 weeks and I don't know if they will want to do another test after that or if they will just let things be at that point.

Other than that I'm drinking 90 oz of water a day to make sure I don't start retaining water and get swollen ankles from sitting all the time. Sounds great but when baby is so low and that much water means that I go to the bathroom about every 20 minutes!

I sure do miss my kiddos ....

Tonight the contractions are pretty bad. I don't know what, if anything, triggered them. I was just laying on the couch and BAM they started pretty hard. I'm frustrated. I figured with the kiddos gone it would be a breeze but I'm having to fight, and fight I will.

Tomorrow is my apt and I'm going to ask the Dr to get a little more aggressive and prescribe me some meds to help because my body is not able to do it on its own right now and things are escalating even when I'm staying down more and more. Tomorrow he will do another one of the 2 week tests that will tell me for sure if I will not have the baby in the next two weeks. If its negative that will be a huge relief off my mind since that will get me through to 33 1/2 weeks.

The one great thing I have to console me is how much I am enjoying reading all of the conference addresses from this last General Conference. There is just SO much to worry about right now, not just personally, but as a country and as a world where there is a lot of suffering. Each talk seems to just hit home with the message of hope, peace, and joy. I cant tell you how much having the Conference talks is helping me to be at peace right now personally with this pregnancy but also with all of the external stresses.

I'm very grateful for this time that I do have to just sit and have silence and how blessed I feel to to have words of these great men. I haven't had the time to really internalise Conference like I have this time since before we had kids. What a blessing its been!

Insomnia

I never realized how much of my tiredness was related to my kiddos. I thought I would get SO much sleep while they are gone. Without them wearing me out though at 9...10...11 at night I'm still WIDE awake. Plus I cant sleep in and I'm up by 7 every morning. I guess that's good because I can get a lot done but then again I'm not suppose to be doing a lot.

Poor Kate and Brian though since Davis did not sleep for them the first night. Its not fair that they have all the kids and aren't allowed to sleep and I have no kids and cant sleep!

If you want to read about the kiddos time in CA go here

What a man!

I mean how many women wake up at 7:00 on a Saturday morning to a missing hubby and the bedroom door shut only to find their hubby in yellow rubber gloves cleaning the bathroom listening to Christmas music? That's right he snuck out of bed and was cleaning the house for me (and boy was he glad to see me when I told him we have toilet wands!)....Not to mention what a wonderful father he is and how much our boys adore him....but the real reason I wanted to write this post is....

He is the hardest worker I know! The economy is obviously in the toilet and its hard for people in construction right now. John has been bidding against 30 or more people for jobs (2 years ago it was like 5).

He just finished up a couple of jobs and that always means that we start to get nervous because if he doesn't get work then we worry about him having a job. Well, in the past month he decided to go for two different jobs. One a park and one a school. He worked so hard and tried to really think outside of the box as to how to be able to cut costs and get the jobs. He got them both! John has won the last 6 bids that Sunroc has won and he has so much work that his boss actually came to him and said that they are going to have someone lighten his load a little.

Then when he has got the bids because there is sub work in his bids people have been coming and trying to find out where the lowest guy was and trying to get under them. I mean he gets flooded with calls like this and people stopping in because everyone is so desperate for work right now. As tempting as it is to bid shop right now since there is not a lot of mark up in his bids, he has kept his integrity and not done it. It has even hurt people that they have good relationships with but hes still sticking to his principles that he doesn't bid shop no matter how much it would benefit him and make his life much easier.

I wont lie, it does come at a cost. He has to work a lot of hours and even go in a little on the weekends. I have huffed and puffed a little since I was needing more help at home but he was such a trooper and when he got home he was 100% home and playing with the kids and taking care of them. He does what is needed to be the best at what he does. I was thinking about how he really has only been out of college for 3 years and look at what he has done and how he has excelled at his work. It really is amazing when you look at how much he has accomplished professionally and how marketable he has made himself in 3 short years.

I cant imagine the pressure that he has been under but hes handled it like a champ! I'm so proud of him and so glad that I'm his wife!

Weekly update

Good news: I'm still not on full bed rest...

Bad news: I am still not dilating but Beckham is SO SO low. Half the time I stand up it feels like hes falling out and Dr confirmed that hes way low and putting a lot of pressure on my cervix. They had me do a non stress test and there were contractions showing up so I got to come home and get in bed. They are going to do another one of those tests that tell you if you are at risk of having the baby in the next two weeks on Wednesday. I'm suppose to go straight to the Dr if I feel any contractions. He said I may just have to come do a non stress test each day if they keep happening.

But another day gone and no Beckham so that's GREAT news!

Abstract verse REALITY

Ive known for a couple of weeks that our kiddos would be leaving....knowing that and watching them drive away are two very different things. The past two days everything about our kiddos have seems so magical.

Their eyes

Their toes

Their little smiles

Their ears, cheeks, hands, and every other part of them that I wanted to kiss and eat up.

It was so hard to hold them and know that I might not do it for another month.

How can one feel so much relief and so much worry, so much peace and so much turmoil at the same time?

I know they are in good hands, hands that can help them because I cant...it still doesn't take away the fact that they aren't in my hands. Im so lucky that I have people that I can trust to care for our kiddos and love them as I would.

I came home to a house that was dead silent and I keep listening to see if Davis has woken up from his nap yet because when you are use to having two active boys silence is a bad thing! Beckham is sad too, or just really mean, because even he is much less active than normal.

I LOVE MY BOYS!

Daddy is being brave but I know that inside he is hurting too...

*I know this blog has been a little depressing lately....we are going through a lot here but stay tuned because tomorrow I'm going to show you a list of all the things I'm going to get done while they are gone!

Calebs Tribute to his Great Grandfathers...

Brave Veterans of our Armed Forces! We love and honor you today and every day that we live in freedom!

He wasn't coached in this, he knows it all by heart and loves to say it when we see a flag. It makes us proud to see our son develop a love for this wonderful country!

Why preterm labor is so STINKIN' hard!

Ive been thinking about this a lot lately as I can feel myself sink into a hole of sorts and well, I have a lot of time to sit and think. With Caleb I was totally unprepared for what happened and when I was stuck in the hospital and on bed rest for 8 weeks I really did not do well. I was depressed but instead of withdrawing I became very vocal and bossy and obnoxious. It lasted through some pretty serious postpartum depression that I was totally unaware of until Caleb was about 8 months old and then it just felt like I woke up, or broke free. Ive always regretted that time and always told myself that if I ever went through it again I would do better the second time around.

Well...I think its like saying if I get a cold, I WILL NOT get a runny nose! Some things just come with the territory. I am handling it better because I am more prepared but Ive spent a lot of time thinking about it and here is what I have come up with...

• When you are told to be on light activity you in essence become more idle. Sure who doesn't want to sit around be waited on, watch movies, and read all day. Sounds great but in essence it makes me feel lazy and that is not good for the spirit. Being productive and saying, "look what I accomplished today" is good for the soul. While laying around all day makes you feel like you are literally weighted down. Everyone feels yucky when they feel lazy
• It is extremely hard to lounge around while watching others do things for you. John works hard all day and then he comes home, helps with dinner, does dishes, straightens up, get kiddos ready for bed all while I sit on the couch and watch him do this. How unfair is that? I feel selfish and like I'm not being his partner but that I'm making him do all the work. John does not make me feel this way, I do it to myself.
  
• My poor kiddos want to have fun with mommy. Sure I can give them attention but having them on the couch to read with me is torture on my tummy. They cant help but jump on my tummy, hit me in the tummy, push against my tummy. So what happens, they get the brush off. They watch a lot of TV and I do try to do some fun activities with paint or play dough that will keep them busy but then its messy and so we are back to me feeling guilty about not cleaning up after myself. What happens....my kiddos are bored and frustrated so they act out, which frustrates me, so I'm cranky, which makes them more cranky....and thus the cycle begins as does the guilt that I'm not being a good mom
• I always tell Caleb to do his best. It doesn't matter how he does as long as its his best...well to me doing your best means working hard. So I'm doing my best to not work hard...doesn't make much sense to my subconscious.
  
• Then comes everyone being nice and wanting to serve me. I need this but its really hard to swallow because I was raised that you are responsible and take care of yourself. Its a hard economy right now and people are feeding our family! My parents and brothers family will each drive to care for my kids, not to mention to feed them. I would love to be able to reimburse everyone for these kind things but I cant, so I feel guilty. Its hard to accept service, its hard to say I cant take care on myself....

Now before you all start commenting about how I should not feel this way (and this will help me see who really reads my whole post-J/K) I KNOW I shouldn't feel this way. I have to do this for Beckhams sake. So now not only do I feel this way but I feel bad for feeling this way because I know I shouldn't feel this way!

See how messed up my mind is! At first I was hesitant about the kiddos leaving for an extended time but now I know that it is what is best for them, Beckham, me, and John. Only problem is how do I feel good about being on "vacation" in my own home when everyone else is dealing with my kids on top of their own responsibilities! Don't get me wrong, I am full of gratitude it just comes with a nice side helping of guilt.

Emotionally its just a lot. I have a long list of "idle" activities that I can do that will help me stay busy but resting while the kids are gone. I really am grateful for everyones service, its just hard to swallow sometimes. I'm the one that is suppose to help people, not need help! Oh, the life of being a human incubator...there is so much emotion to deal with that its gets so hard to be in my own head sometimes.

Thanks for listening to my rant, I know that one day I will be happy that I got this all out so that I can remember what I was feeling and that I will look back and it will seem like such a short amount of time and such a small sacrifice for another beautiful boy, but for now....I'm overwhelmed emotionally!

So sad.... and NO this is NOT about the election....

I had to put my Davis boy back in diapers. The saddest part of it is, not because of him but because of me! I just couldn't handle all the jumping up to help him with his underwear and checking to see if it was #2 so I can help him get all clean. Yesterday was pretty bad. It FEELS like Beckham is engaged now. Seriously a few times I would stand up and have to sit back down and see if I could get some of the pressure off. Not to mention a lot of tightening, not contractions, just feels like one big contraction. Tomorrow is the Dr to find out more....

I will just put him back in undies when Beckham is born, maybe by then he will be old enough and coordinated enough to pull his own undies up and down.

Thank goodness!

Is anyone else relieved that today is the election finally and we can all get on with our lives! It seems each election as the parties get farther apart that there is less and less tolerance and people are angry because of the way others believe, not wanting to respect everyones own choice in important issues.

I think we should all get together and somehow limit the next election to 6 months...not over a year! Its just to long in my opinion!

A good friend,...

This weekend I did something I probably wasn't suppose to do but I did it anyway and I'm so glad! On Friday the President of Sunroc offered John almost court side seats to the Jazz game. Plus they would pay for our gas and our hotel up there. Very hard for someone like John to pass up (and he deserved it since hes trying to be both mom and dad). Of course the Jazz game was out of the question for me but I really wanted to go visit my friend Tyece an meet her new little baby boy. So we drove to Orem on Saturday night and it worked out well since Casey (Tyece's husband) is a customer of Sunroc and since John was taking him to the game we got to all go out to dinner on Sunroc too. We got yummy chocolate cake to go and the boys took off for the game and we went back to Tyeces house for me to just crash on her couch and visit and eat naughty food.

I really feel lucky to have Tyece as a friend. We met when Caleb was probably about a year old and became fast friends. I love everything about her. The way she decorates, the way she parents, the honesty at which she lives her life, the way she scrapbooks.... Ive have a lot of good friends but there is something special about Tyece, she changes me for the better! My home, the way I am as a Mom, the way I see people around me all have been influenced by her.

I love that we can talk honestly and openly and I never worry about what she is thinking. When I first found out about my body progressing I was really discouraged (I will write a post about this later) but Ive been having a hard time not just physically but mentally. To just sit and talk with her for 6 hours was like medicine for my soul. She lives her life simply by the principles of the Gospel and doesn't let the rest of life mutter things up for her, even when things are turbulent around her.

It was SO good for me to be with her because things got put in perspective...the funny thing was we didn't really even talk about it. Its just the way she is that that her presence makes me want to be a better person. I always walk away from her wanting to be better and knowing that I can be better. That's what I love about her so much.

I want to be a friend like she is....

Halloween 2008

We had a great Halloween last night! Caleb was anxious to get in his Spiderman costume and had me take the mesh out of the Spiderman eyes so he would wear his mask but even then it drove him crazy (not that I blame him). Davis took a little persuasion to get into his costume but with fruit snacks and Barney...anything is possible! After going to visit Daddy at work and getting all sorts of attention and candy he quickly forgot about the inconvenience of a costume!We went to a tri-ward Trunk or Treat and it was crazy! I mean we went with a full bowl of candy, ran out about half way though, and then with all of the cars the boys went to we came home with more than a full bowl! Its hard to have a child with a peanut allergy because you have to be so careful when sorting candy. Of course in some ways its good because then mommy gets all the Reese's, and peanut M&M's, YUMMY! There were some taffy's that I didn't pull out that John recognised as being peanut butter filled and pulled out after my initial sort. So then I had him do a sort and we did one last one together.

We have some friends in the neighborhood that have 3 boys (with their 4th due a week after Beckham) and our boys love each other. Turns out they were all superheroes too! We then went over to our friend Julies church carnival and it was fun and of course there was more candy! Caleb wanted to do this obstacle course so bad but John and I at first said not yet because I didn't want to go have to climb and help him and Davis was freaking out because of the loud noise the blow up castles make. Caleb was persistent and so we relented and John was ready to go in and help. You should have seen this kid!!!! My flash couldn't load fast enough! He truly looked liked Spiderman climbing up over the walls. I was impressed and a little scared at what other things I might underestimate him in.
Caleb's sweet Spiderman moves!This picture is for Grandpa!
All in all it was a great night and I pushed a little to hard but it was worth it to enjoy Halloween with them!