Sunday, January 15, 2012

A season of change

I cant sleep. Its 4:00 in the morning and I have thoughts swirling in my head so I figured I would get them out.

Lately things have been changing around here. Its been slow and steady but its enough that I'm starting to recognize the changes. I remember not too long ago thinking that being a Mom was so hard at times. I counted down the seconds until John would walk in the door so I could get some relief from the incessant needs of three little boys. Girls night outs could not come frequent enough because I just needed some time to get out and remember what it felt like not to be climbed on, spilled on, and nagged on.

But that it changing. I was talking to a friend of mine a couple of days ago. She and I went through that stage of transitioning to our third together and now we are both transitioning into this new stage too. She said, "I don't feel like I need breaks anymore." Its true. I'm getting enough natural breaks as it is. Caleb and Davis are fully functioning. No need to get them dressed, or putting their shoes on, and Beckham is (slowly) working toward that same independence.

I love the afternoon time when I finally have all of my duckings home. 4:00 until Daddy comes home use to be a nightmare but now its fast becoming my favorite time of day. I love to chat with Caleb about his day and work with him on homework. Sometimes a girls night seems kind of inconvenient because I love that time at night we have to hang out together. If I have a night away I want to spend it with John. Mostly I just want to be here with all of my boys together.

I still have my days and my moments, don't get me wrong. But I am definitely starting a new stage of life. I was never a huge baby person. I loved my babies - don't misunderstand! I just always knew I would enjoy this time more, and I am. It is SO fun!

Next year Davis will be in Kindergarten and Beckham will be in preschool. That means that I will be all alone for 5 hours a week! I can shop alone! Yea! The next year Davis will be gone like Caleb. 8-4 and Becks will be in preschool 4 days a week. Then its half days changes so fast.

A part of me feels guilty and is having a hard time adjusting to having so much time for myself. As it is right now I can send my boys out to play and really I don't have to worry about them too much. I can start to have a clean house again :) I am planning better meals and trying new recipes again. I am working on projects and not being interrupted a thousand times.

Its true what they say that the time flies by. It doesn't feel like that long ago I felt it would never end, and yet here I am. I love being a Mom. It use to be so much more demanding than it is now. I know that this time will present its own challenges and maybe I just feel more ready for them. I am more confident than I use to be and so are my kids. We have a great relationship and are able to joke and play. I love spending time with them and enjoying their little personalities. 

I am so lucky to have been a stay at home Mom to them in their baby years, It was hard. There is no denying that. But I feel like the rewards of making it through that time are paying off immensely. I wont lie its hard to not feel a little selfish at the time I now have for myself. But balance is coming back and I have the time to take care of myself now too.

Its like that moment in spring when the blossoms are opening on all the trees after a long winter. It fills you with joy and rejuvenates your soul. Thus are the seasons of life!


Mary Kathryn said...

That's funny you posted this. I was getting on here to start a post of my own. A little different from yours but kind of the same. It is funny how people are so different. When I had three I couldn't wait for those stages of fun worry free vacations, independent children, etc. but now I am grasping on to the baby stages because really, that's what I do best and I fear all the other stages!!! Thanks for your post.

Abbie said... have all three in mulitiple sports and activities and then, life will get super crazy again. So, take this stage of life and enjoy!