The first is fall...you can feel it in the air. The mornings are crisp. Caleb's been wearing his favorite Transformers sweatshirt in the morning and as the bus comes it feels how the school year is suppose to feel. Okay and lets be honest, the wind is back. The wind that makes me run to open my drapes each morning to see if my little trees are still standing since we lost our poor Stella to a bucket blowing in the wind. Nighttime bike rides are pleasant and peaceful. Today our house smells like cinnamon and vanilla and I am giddy!
I feel like last year I was robbed of fall.
One year ago my mind was plagued with thoughts of preterm labor. Each day just hoping to hold on for a few more weeks. It was about a year ago too (okay not really- its still about a month away, but I'm thinking about it a lot as fall is starting) that my sweet sister in law and parents offered to take our kiddos to CA for a month. A full month! Last year we didn't even get to eat Thanksgiving dinner with our kids. We knew they were in good hands but still the holidays are for family and last year we felt too free from our responsibilities for us to be really happy.
I am so excited to embrace all of fall this year.
I finally feel great, back from the dark world that bed rest sends me to. Back to being a loving happy wife and mother. Back to the daily routines of dishes, laundry, bath times, bedtimes, mealtimes...and enjoying them. Back to working on projects around the house and finding cheap little ways to decorate and make our house more and more a home and sanctuary from the world.
It feels so good to be back!
The second is not as happy.
I got a call the other day that the radio station here was offering this deal where if you donate $39.99 to a charity that helps educate people about missing children and how to prevent it they would give you a coupon book of services donated by local business. At first I was skeptical but then I found out that there were 4 oil changes, at least 3 haircuts, about 15 car washes, 3 free jumping jacks....and I could keep going and bore you but I wont. I was excited, especially since I needed an oil change anyway. I said I would buy it. Then they told me if I got 2 other people to buy them I could get 1 for free. So the next 3 friends I talked to I asked them if they wanted one and found 3 other people and split the cost of the free book so it only cost 4 of us $30.
It was a great deal. But I felt selfish.
I have to find deals and steals like that right now-its the only way we are surviving in this market. But as I went to the Saturn dealership to get my oil changed for free, I felt sad. Sad that I cant given them my real business. Sad that they donated this for missing children and education when I know they are already struggling and I cant give something back to them.
We need our transmission flushed, we know this and are saving for it. They told us it needed to be done and that they could do it for $179. But the truth is that I know that I can use my Dixie Direct coupon book and get it done for $100 somewhere else with a coupon.
It makes me feel like I'm taking advantage of businesses, business that are struggling to stay open. Business owned and operated by people with families too. But what else can I do? I can do so much with $80!!! I cant afford to give them my business even if my heart wants to.
I still hate this economy and its making me sad. The pull between whats best for me and whats best for mankind just don't match up right now. It makes me feel guilty for being so thrifty but then I feel guilty when I buy things full price.
See why I'm all jumbled...
Fall has brought joy, peace, anticipation
vs
guilt, fear, sadness that I feel for the economy and the people suffering
vs
guilt, fear, sadness that I feel for the economy and the people suffering
That's a lot to feel at one time, but I feel better already just having typed it all out.
So if you made it this far, thanks for listening.
4 comments:
First, I love that plate... it is soo cute. I can't wait to get my decorations out too. Second, I feel you about the economy but you shouldn't feel guilty about getting sweet deals. You can totally do the transmition yourself (or John) it is so easy and it will save you so much money! You just have to buy the transmition fluid from Honda but it is seriously only one bolt that you have to drain. Think about it and email me. I miss you tons.
Honey, I know EXACTLY how you feel, I feel the same thing too!
This post just got me really excited for Fall too. It has yet to cool down to fall temps out here. I love how it always feels natural and about time everytime the new season is starting.
On a separate note I love the soccer pic where John is checking his watch while all the other kids on his team are playing ;) I'm sure he's actually an awesome soccer coach.
I love hearing your jumbled thoughts because often it gives a voice to things that I've been feeling but don't know how to sort out. You're awesome and I'm glad you'll be able to fully embrace and enjoy the fall and holidays!
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