I'm kind of struggling right now...maybe its because I got sick, AGAIN. Or maybe its because I just discovered that Beckham has thrush (isn't that something you get from nursing!?!). Seriously that kid cant catch a break, but he still is happy through it all.
Maybe its because even with one of the guys leaving from Johns office they still feel the construction department is too "heavy." They aren't talking lay offs instead they are talking about having John doing all of the estimating (because hes so awesome at it) and then having the other two guys in the office be project managers. Not the end of the world, but its not what John wants. He would rather be a Project Manager but I know he will do it for no other reason than to provide for us, even if it means putting his professional ambitions to the side for season.
Maybe its because one of my favorite stores, Iron Station, had to close their doors. Now don't get me wrong I seriously SCORED on everything they had to clearance but it made me sad all the same. I feel responsible because I haven't been there to buy anything for a long time because we are being much more careful about our money. Tonight we decide to make a very rare splurge and go out to eat...we NEVER do that. But of course we were going because at Buffalo's kids eat free on Tuesdays and we had a buy one entree and get one free. When we got there we found it had gone out of business. Probably because people like us eat out with 4 and only pay for 1, but hey we wouldn't be able to eat out otherwise. On our way to find a new restaurant we saw that the big Yamaha dealership is no more. It just made me sad...all of these people who now don't have work or have had to close down something that they loved and had a vision for.
It makes my heart heavy.
Don't get me wrong...I am grateful for the things I have learned during these hard economic times. I appreciate having a job and I appreciate how HARD John works for us. Sure when I think about where I thought we would be compared to where we are on the surface it might seem disappointing. But we have learned so much about what really matters. Things are only things. While I wish I had cuter clothes, I feel safer and more secure knowing that we have almost a year supply of food. While we really want to go get a wave runner or a 4 wheeler or put landscaping in our yard I feel happier knowing that if we lost our job we have some money saved. Knowing that the things we have splurged for have been well thought out and saved for makes me appreciate and love them so much more.
I don't know that savings and food storage would have seemed as important to us if we weren't going through these times. I can see us always saying "later." But we have come to value what really matters. Plus I would never have taken the time to learn to shop the deals and steals we get.
I need to learn from sweet Beckham who takes each new little struggle in stride. Smiling and giggling the whole time. He doesn't let anything slow him down or let it keep him from learning new things and discovering all the good there is through the tough.
I'm glad we have learned to be a little less vain and a little more wise.
Still I know there are people who are suffering and tonight, it just makes my heart heavy.
