Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Dear Mom,

Its been 3 weeks since you passed away. Most days I do pretty good. But the last few days have been hard. It seems the numbness is starting to wear off leaving me very raw. It has also been just long enough that I find myself several times a day thinking I need to call you just to say hi.

Ive been reorganizing my house and making it much more functional. Its served not only as a blessed distraction but also as a reminder of everything you taught me. See - I was listening :) While it has been good and therapeutic, it also has been frustrating as I keep finding I have questions for you. Did you make those cute bibs with the letters and animals on them or did Grandma Irene? Which of our ancestors did the little tea set I just found belong to? Were all of your pictures in that one carrier in the garage, or is there another stash somewhere else? I thought we had prepared and I had asked you all of my questions but now I realize I never came close.

Tonight I go to hospice for the first of 8 bereavement counseling sessions. I'm hoping that will help me as I try to find my new normal in life. I never understood how true the saying was - you never know what you have until its gone.

I miss you Mom.
I miss you so much it hurts.

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