I wish I could I say that life is sweet right now. Of course in many ways it is. But for my own honestly and for the record of my life I just wanted to write that the last month has been one of the hardest of my life. Real, raw, gut wrenching emotion that has made me feel at times that I might spontaneously combust. You would think that it has everything to do with my Mom, and in a way it does, because it has made me so much more sensitive, especially to relationships.
But the truth is its the other relationships in my life that have tried me the most right now. I have never been surrounded by people and felt so utterly alone all at once. Its not one person in particular, in fact it seems to come from all groups in my life right now.
Today a friend and I had a talk. She was one of those that I felt there had been distance with, an emotional separation of sorts. It was wonderful to hear from her that she really deeply does care about me and wants to be my friend. Sounds kind of corny when I write it out but I feel about 100 pounds lighter having that one relationship feel mended.
Maybe people think because I am strong and because I do what is needed and just keep going that I don't need to be cared for like others do. Or maybe people get so use to me taking care of everything that they don't think they might need to step in. I try so hard to take care of others and sometimes I just wish someone would come take care of me. Sometimes it sucks to be the steady and strong one.
To that friend, thank you. You have no idea how much I needed to feel loved today.
Today for even just a little bit, I don't feel so alone.
