Sunday, October 17, 2010


Its raining here tonight. Normally that means cozy and warm. Tonight it feels like the world is all wrong. I see all these things unraveling and I don't know how to fix them.

(Updated to add disclaimer: for the record I'm not talking about John in this next section. I don't feel it appropriate to name names but I did need to be sure that in leaving names out it didn't give anyone the impression that its John because that would break my heart).

Fixing them requires both parties wanting that. The last 8 years or so dealing with certain people in my life have taught me that lesson all to well. You cant force anyone to care - or change. So now I usually try to just take a deep breath do my best and move forward and not worry about it.

But this time its so much harder. The stakes are different. Maybe I should learn from the lessons that the past and the pain I felt from this other situation have taught me. But you know me...I always have to try.

Although this time I haven't.
How do people sit by and let things unravel? How do they make their hearts not care? Why was I blessed (or cursed?) to be a doer? I want to just sit back and not care. How?

I will learn from the past just this one time.
Maybe it will good for the others?
Maybe they don't even care?

I think I might go lay on the trampoline in the rain.
That sounds cleansing.