Missed you....

I am back! How I have missed you my sweet blog!

I gave Facebook a try and was not a huge fan. Maybe I couldn't get past my prejudices of Facebook but I didn't feel it was very real or sincere. It's a quick "like" here and "share" there, but I didn't feel like anyone shared much of what was real and in their hearts. It was so quick, just an update on a status limited to a few lines and mixed up with no chronological order. No real way to see patterns and progression. There was no candid feeling or raw emotion. Facebook did not seem like it was created to be personal and intimate. It definitely wasn't a journal and it just wasn't for me.

Maybe I needed that space though over the past year. This year has been so healing. I think I have finally come to the final stage of grief - acceptance. Acceptance in that I have moved on and found normal again. Not that my Mom is forgotten but the pain is being forgotten. It feels like my Mom has been gone for so long and then today I realised that it hasn't even been two years.

I gained weight back this year. Its disappointing and frustrating but at the same time I couldn't do it all and focus on it all. Maybe the weight was its own way of protecting myself.

Whatever my reasons, I feel like I am ready to share again. Not like I share on Over the Big Moon. That is the final results of my thoughts and planning. This is my backstage. My rough draft put out there to remember. Here it is not the final result that matters but the process of becoming, changing, evolving, and even failing.

I have missed writing. I have missed the struggle to find the right words to express what I am thinking and feeling. I have missed the discoveries and clarity that came because of the writing process. Maybe no one missed my words, my thoughts, my discoveries...but I did. I have missed the process and what it means to me! All those things that might seem so meaningless individually, collectively meant so much to me.

It feels like I have come back home!