Saturday, December 18, 2010

Dear Beckham,

I'm not really sure whats happened to you...I mean you have always challenged me with how busy and rough you are. But lately, I just don't know what to say. Mommy is trying to be patient and she is trying to be loving but buddy Mommy is under a lot of pressure and could use a little cooperation. You know what - you don't even have to cooperate with me, how about we just go for not intentionally being difficult every second of every day?
Literally. every. second. of. every. day.

I have never been this exasperated as a Mom but at the same time I have never been as proud. Because you Beckham make Grandma happy. You relate to her in a special way. You both see life without the complexities of diversions. Schedules mean nothing to you, only relationships have bearing in your life. You take the time to laugh, play peek-a-boo, and even do piggies on her toes the way she use to do piggies on your little toes. You make her squeal in delight with as much childlike joy as she gets from you. You make her laugh so hard that she almost cant stand it and you light up her face in a way that no one else can. You love when she chases you around the island in her bathroom and love to chase her. You love the fact that you can actually catch her more than anything!

You love the simplicity of her pure attention because when she is focused on you, she is completely absorbed in you. I can see how us Moms get distracted and caught up in the details to really enjoy the full picture. Does knowing that I work very hard each day to stay in the right perspective help you forgive me for failing most days?

How I wish you were just a little bit older so you could understand how to be more soft and appropriate. Oh man Beckham you are going to give me a heart attack! Then again if you had those qualities you probably would have lost the magic of your innocence that makes you so special and perfect for Grandma right now. I'm not as anguished over the fact that you might not remember her because your age and innocence is a gift and blessing that none of us can offer her as she endures this trial.

Did you know you have her eyes?
I didn't notice at first but Grandma saw it.

None of her grandkids inherited her eyelids but you, and in that way you will always be so special. You got her spunk too that's for sure, but everyone in our family inherited that from her. Her eyes are uniquely for you to carry on to future generations.

Oh Beckham how I wish that you will retain the memory and feeling of how much she loves you and your spunk. She is patient with you in a way no one else is. Perhaps its because she had to raise me and from what Ive and use the same play book. Maybe it was her perseverance that brought me through to who I am today. Buddy, I'm trying to be like her. To exercise that same patience and see you for who you are inside and not necessarily on how you act on the outside. I just don't know if I'm as strong as her.
I will keep trying, I promise.

Love you!

ps. will you please, pretty please, pleeeeease with a cherry on top cut Grandpa a little break??? Even just a little break...please?

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