Im REALLY going to do it!

I have always wanted to do photography. I just wasn't brave enough for the longest time. Finally I took a class in Seattle and my parents gave me a really great camera for Christmas...and then the world went digital on me. Its hard to do photography using film in a digital world. So I put it on hold got married, kids, Johns been in school, now the time is bad in the economy but John and I have talked it over and we both know that it will be good for me to follow my dreams now, even in the midst of childbearing and small children! Not to sound doomsdayish either but I know that if anything were to ever happen to John this is what I would want to do to support my family. Flexible hours and can be worked around my time.

Well, I still have to wait a little because Ive been doing a bunch of research on cameras and the one I want is the Nikon D80....which retails at Costco for $819.99. So...I guess not quite yet since we will buy it with our tax return this year. But that just means I have a lot of time to read and learn, which I have been doing for the last 2 weeks or so. I also have been working on learning how to photoshop photos in Elements since photography now does mean digital editing. Here is a picture (I dont take credit for the picture, its one of the ones we had taken when we did our family pictures) that I worked on using lighting effects and some other little tricks...



First off...isn't Caleb DARLING! I still need to learn how to edit things out, like the blue thing in the background, but like I said I'm just learning and I was practicing lighting this time around.

I'm not shooting to be a REAL professional right now, perhaps someday when we can afford all the right lenses to go with my camera, but for now I want to be good enough to capture our family's happy life and also to provide affordable pictures to families who cant really pay more than $50-$100 for family pictures. Plus its how I want to be able to pay for Christmas each year is by doing fall and Christmas pictures for people. I just want to do the shoot and then give them a CD with all their pictures on it so they can use them on their blogs, send them to family, and print what they want.

I'm SO excited that its really going to happen...and I cant get enough of what the web has to offer me in terms of learning now, so when January comes and I can buy my camera I will be ready!

Family Pictures

We had some family pictures taken and some of them turned out so cute. I say some because 6 1/2 months pregnant and family pictures- NOT CUTE! Just kidding! Anyway, some are for our Christmas cards and also to change up for our blog during the year so I cant reveal to many just yet. Here are a few that are in our header now so you can see them bigger...

I LOVE THIS PICTURE! John is such an amazing Dad and I just feel like you can feel that in this picture. Our boys love him so much and they are truly enamored with everything to do with Daddy. Especially riding in Daddy's truck. What I love the most is how much they are like their Daddy. Both of our boys have such sensitive hearts. Want an example...one of Caleb's friends said something that hurt his feelings and Caleb told me that the "words his friend said hurt his heart."

John is all man but he knows how to feel deeply and be aware of others around him. That is one of the things that I fell in love with the most about John. Hes caring and he thinks deeply on things. I love that our boys are learning from their Daddy and I know that one day that means that they too will be amazing Fathers and Husbands!

If you thought you knew how frugal I was....

I have kind of a reputation in my family for being frugal, I LOVE a good deal! I mean if you saw how little we lived on during college you would be shocked. We make more now obviously but there is still a part of me that feels like if I can get stuff for less, than I can get more of what I need and want. First let me show you the deals I have snagged in the last two weeks or so and then I will get boring and tell you how I got them! All of the prices have the sales tax figured into them so it the cost after sales tax is calculated in.Everything you see in this picture was free, except I paid 25 cents for the aspirin. Plus I have another weeks worth of women's personal products that I didn't want to display.


Walgreen's PAID me $.62 to buy this

Walgreen's PAID me $3.59 to buy this


Just his week at Rite Aid I got all of this (around $95 worth of medicines) for about $4.50 since you have to pay the tax but then I get 1% cash back on our credit card. That's like the cost of the one Triaminic in the picture, which happens to be my favorite cold medicine for the kiddos, and then I got the rest for free!

I found the blog Being Frugal is Fabulous and I'm telling you she has helped me find some great deals. I haven't become one of those that gets 6 newspapers and cuts out coupons. I mostly go for the deals that she can find when something is on sale, with an in store coupon, with Internet printable coupons, or a rebate. The best deals is when she gets you all of them, that is when you are getting paid to buy stuff! I do most of the shopping at Walgreen's and just this week I did my first Rite Aid rebate purchase. Some people find rebates annoying but at Walgreen's they will give you an additional 10% if you load it onto a gift card, these are reloadable so they don't take long to get your money back. Well, gift cards can be used to pick up prescriptions and since my prescriptions cost $70 a month right now and Caleb's asthma medicine costs us about $20 a month I just buy the stuff, redeem the rebates, and then use the card to get our prescriptions.

All the stuff you see in the first picture mostly comes from free samples that I order and get delivered to our mailbox (keep in mind I haven't even been doing this for 3 months). The other stuff is things that Walgreens offers FREE every month though their rebate program. I originally started to do this to help add to our Personal emergency supplies but I don't think I will ever have to buy shampoo, toothpaste, or shaving cream again. There are tons of shampoos that you can get for free and I ran out of shaving cream and now I just use the free shampoo to shave with and it works great.

Some of you may say but will you use all of that? The honest answer is no. But some of it I bought because I know some people who need it, so it now will go in their stockings for Christmas or I will just give it to them. Or how cute would it be if a friend was sick to take them a can of soup and a box of medicine. In reality though we will use most of that medicine this winter and what we don't use we will have in case of an emergency.

So there you go...if you are interested I would totally check out the blog...its on the right side of my blog. If you have questions shes great at answering them or I am totally willing too. It does take some time and at first I was not very good at recognising a good deal but now I not only look at what she can offer but I also can look at the weekly adds and find some deals for myself. It just takes some practice and a lot of organization since I think they do these rebate programs hoping you forget or things slip though the cracks.

Don't think this is just limited to these things too. I still price match each week at Walmart and there are coupons on the Internet for food. Just this week I bought food and paid $11 and saved over $20. But this post is way long enough as it is....so maybe that is for another day....

How the economy is affecting Christmas this year...

Ive been around a lot conversations where when discussing the economic state of things people have expressed how things are going to be a lot leaner for Christmas this year, myself included. Ive been doing a lot of thinking on that because yes, there probably will be less under trees this year, but I think Ive come to the conclusion that I don't think its a bad thing.

I know for John and I at least this economic recession does have us worried. In fact it has us so worried that we have found ourselves on our knees more, praying for wisdom and to be taken care of during this hard time. We have felt so much self-reliance in the past that we now are coming to a point where we are remembering that what we have is really a blessing and that we need to be relying on our Heavenly Father and our Savior for everything and not boasting in our own strength and wisdom.

I have found that as I think of gifts I want to give to our friends and our family, because there is less money to spend, I'm giving them more thought. I'm making things, we had a garage sale to add to our Christmas funds, I'm shopping sales and planning ahead of time. With less money I'm putting more into the gifts that were giving and its making them so much more meaningful. Its making me look forward so much more to giving gifts and the joy it brings.

We also are learning that some of our "needs" are really wants. Each year Desert Industries takes nice toy donations and sets them aside for a night where needy families can come and shop for Christmas for their children. Each year we choose some toys that we can do without and clean them up nice and take them down. Its amazing that this year, when there is a fear of having less, I'm finding I want to donate more. We are learning to do without as much and wanting to share more for those that are in worse circumstances that ourselves.

I guess that's what I have been thinking about the most, is that Christmas is a time for Peace on Earth and Goodwill towards men. I wish there was more peace on earth but I also find that my heart is filled with more compassion as I see those around me suffering and in need. Our Savior was born into the most humble of circumstances and I feel that this year perhaps being more humble as a country ourselves, we can be more in tune with what the real meaning of Christmas is.

Regardless of what is under our tree this year, I know that we have grown closer as a family. We definitely have grown closer to our Savior and our Father in Heaven. We will be anxiously waiting for Beckham to join us and the joy that a new life brings. We just appreciate all the things we do have so much more because we are learning to simplify and remember what really matters...Faith, Family, Friends.

So will there be less this year...I'm starting to think that there will be so much more this year and that this will be one of the most meaningful Christmas' ever!

7 random facts

I was tagged to post 7 random facts about me that most people don't know...

1. Most people know this but it is always gets a funny reaction. I did not get into Ricks college (the old JC that is now BYU Idaho) but I did get into BYU, which I did not want to apply to because I was sure I would not get in but my Dad insisted that I apply to at least 2 schools. Good thinking Dad, but seriously who doesn't get into a JC and then gets into a very competitive university.
   
2. I was an avid hockey fan growing up
3. I was missing a baby tooth and a permanent tooth and now have an implant that I got when I was 16. And they removed a tooth from under my cheek bone.
   
4. When we moved to St George my credit score was 816 and I'm very proud of this. I got a credit card my Freshman year of college and my Dad told me it had to be paid off at the end of the month. It took me a whole year to find out that it really didn't have to be paid but that they would charge you interest. Luckily though I had been on my "own" long enough to know the wisdom in never carrying a balance.
   
5. I cant spread my toes...seriously its like I have no muscles in my toes. John can practically open a jar with feet but I cant move my toes a millimeter.
6. There are so many things I still want to be when my kids grow up...A district Attorney, a interior designer, landscape architect run a little tea place, run a Bed and Breakfast (this is John and my retirement dream), have a little florist shop....
7. We are thinking of buying me a really good camera with our tax return so that I can start doing photography out of our house this spring.
8. BONUS fact: I have only met one other Mormon girl besides myself that HATES the Twilight series. Granted the first book was okay but I thought they would get better and I hated them, the way they made me feel...No I will never read the 4th and no I wont ever see the movies. Please don't hate me for this fact either since I know I'm like the ONLY one in the world besides my friend Mandy.

Oh, I tag (only if you want to) Sarah, Mom, Karey, Dianna, Kate, and Stefanie

Its starting to feel like fall...sort of

Its been weird to see all the fall stuff out since its like still in the 80's and we have even had some days in the 90's. But look here's proof...Our tumbleweeds are changing colors!

Other ways we know fall is here...

• Stuffy noses
• sore throats
• Caleb is back on not only his steroids but also breathing treatments. You have to feel sorry for the poor guy he HATES taking it! I read the side effects and there is like 20 and they are all nasty! Poor guy, but a boy has to breathe...

*How do you know you have lived in the desert for to long... When you put long sleeves on Davis he tugs at them saying "ouch!" and when you tell Caleb to go put some pants on he chooses Davis' (which do fit in the waist but come down right below his knees) because he doesn't like things that "go all the way to my feet."

Lastly and very random we got a call from someone who was calling in behalf of AIG insurance trying to sell us stuff and I asked aren't they having financial issues?
"No they are not!"
Me:"Didn't the government just have to bail them out?"
"No they did not!"
Hmmm...I definitely think we are not interested! Do these people ever take accountability!?! I mean its not like it wasn't headline news or anything!

Out of the mouth of my babe

Story #1
Today while trying to negotiate for something Caleb wanted and nagging over and over I finally said, "Your BIG MEAN MOMMY says no!"

He looked at me shocked and said, "you're not my big mean mommy, you're my big NICE mommy."

Im smiling inside that my 4 yr old thinks I'm nice even when all I say all day is NO (or so it seems).

Story #2
We were in the car listening to President Uchtdorfs talk and he was talking about Hope. I didn't think Caleb was really listening and so when we were almost home he said, "Mom do you know what the ultimate power is?"

I was expecting some answer like He-man since he uses his sword and says, "I HAVE THE POWER!" I just said, "no what it is Caleb." He beaming looked at me and said, "Its Hope!"

Story #3
At dinner tonight John asked Caleb how old he thought Daddy was and Caleb said, "15"
Then he asked how old he thought Mommy was and Caleb said "40!"
Hmmm...

Story #4
I couldn't help myself because I found this to be SO funny! I got Caleb all ready to go get his flu shot today and he was ready and brave. When we went in the nurse asked for who was going to go first to sit on my lap. Caleb said "I will!" I'm not sure he was registering at this point what a shot was. He has siked himself up so much that he was not prepared in the least bit. So she jabbed it in and he just crumpled to tears. I gave him a big hug and told him he was brave and he looked at me with anger in his eyes and said, "Yea, but Mom SHE (glaring at the nurse with disdain in his voice) hurt me!" He then got down and shot nasty looks at the nurse the rest of the time we were there. She was kind of a raunchy nurse but his shock and indignation just killed me!

Lastly here is a cute picture of the kiddos. I made these when I was like 6 or 7 and I totally remember loving this art project in school. My mom laminated them and kept them of course. I got them out this year and the kids love to hide behind them and chase each other around the house "scaring" each other!

WARNING: very long and introspective!

Please don't feel obligated to read this. This blog is in essence my journal and so I have some things that I dont just want to write about but NEED to write about and now this is a safe place for me to write about them. A lot of it is going to be very personal but Ive never been one to shield my true feelings. I use to be embarrassed about this but since marrying John I have come to appreciate this much more about myself since it is one of the things that he loves about me the most. But I'm sure this post may be long and boring for some of you so please feel free to move onto lighter blog reading...I wont be offended!

Growing up I wasn't exactly a tomboy but I did like to have boys for my friends much more than girls. Not for the reasons most people would believe either, I was a VERY late bloomer, who wasted no time in catching up might I add :) Anyway, I just couldn't stand the pettiness of girls. They drove me crazy with their mind games, gossip, and most of all their need to put others down to make themselves feel better (before I offend all of my friends, I am generalising to my experience with the girls at my school). I did find some good friends that didn't play into this as much as others did and they were my saving grace through High School.

I couldn't wait to be an adult where I felt all of this would just go away. That's one of the things that I loved about BYU so much was that even though there were thousands of girls with thousands of talents that I may not have had it didn't matter. For once I found girls that didn't feel the need to try to put you down to boost themselves up. They were just nice! They were even (gasp) happy for you when something went right for you or something fantastic happened to you. It was like freedom I never had found and I loved it! I still had tons of guys for friends but I also had tons of girls for friends too.

Perhaps BYU gave me a false impression of what life would be like, it seemed that HS was a thing of the past. One of the hardest adjustments that I have had to make as an adult is that not everything can be talked out, not everyone wants to solve problems. I can honestly (and proudly) say that when I left High School, I LEFT High School. I cant think of one time since HS that I have done something that I thought might hurt someone else's feelings on purpose. Now, I'm not saying that I have never hurt anyones feelings since then but I have never done it intentionally. I can also say that I have never been not happy for someone if they got something that I wanted. For example, I had a lot of friends who got married before me and I was never not happy that it had happened to them and not me. Heck my friend Rachel and I shared crushes in college and when something kind of fun would happen for her with one of those boys I never once was angry and I know she felt the same way because we would totally share and squeal with each other over things like this. (Maybe it helped that Rachel was raised with 7 brothers and no sisters)

I guess what I'm trying to say is that for some reason I have not been asked in this life to deal with jealousy, envy, and spite as a temptation. In fact I have been blessed with a very tender and sensitive heart (don't think I'm not aware of the problems and temptations that I do face, I'm just saying these aren't some of the crosses that I have been asked to bear). So its hard for me when things happen or when I encounter people who, in my opinion, use and manipulate situations that are innocent and try to for whatever the reason turn things around. Ive experienced this with two specific groups that I have in mind that I have encountered at different times in my adult life, that no matter how hard I tried there was just no solution to walk away from the situation with it actually resolved. In fact it seemed the more you talk the worse things get.

Its very hard on me and very hard on my tender heart. If you know there are people who do things on purpose to hurt you, how do you deal with people like that? I just cant seem to come up with any solution that works and Ive been trying to figure out that balance between being Christlike and continuing to put myself, and now our children in situations where I know some people may just not have the best intentions.

Whats even more frustrating is both groups also have done the exact same thing in trying to turn the situation around and blame you for the exact same that they themselves cant deal with. I remember studying this in my MFHD classes I just cant come up with the term right now but in essence its mirroring. For example one of these groups that I have in mind was a houseful of girls in my Seattle singles ward who in my opinion loved and thrived on drama. When I did try to finally talk things out with one of the girls she accused me of purposely doing things to cause drama and stir up trouble. In this situation is was laughable because it was so obvious but sometimes its not just that black and white.

Its always been my opinion to not go and tell everyone the situation but then others don't always play by those rules and so you wonder if others are only getting one side of the story and who knows what that side is. My wise friend Amy from Seattle once said, that "its a mighty thin pancake that doesn't have 2 sides." That's always stuck with me and I try to always remember that when I hear things, but still assumptions are always made. Perhaps that is one area where I struggle more...

See, whats driving me crazy is that this all sounds like that HS drama again that I felt I had left behind or at least should have! Isn't that one of the freedoms of being 30! I cant believe that as an adult I'm having to deal with issues like this and its driving me crazy! What are my obligations to people like this....do you just cut them off entirely as not to disturb the feeling of rest and peace that I try so hard to cultivate in our home? Perhaps this is another area where I am weak is that I open myself up so much to people around me that I cant close parts of me off when they are around. So no matter how hard I try, these people disturb my feelings. I cant keep them emotionally at arms length and just put on a brave face. Ive never been one to pretend or hide my real feelings.

Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent these feelings off. To throw these questions and my problems to the expansive world of the World Wide Web, to not let them fester inside and cause my body to contract. See that right there shows how deeply I feel things. My heart feels things so deeply that it causes a physical reaction in my body.

Until I am perfect I will continue to pray for the ability to be both kind and wise at the same time as the Savior was when approached by people who had malice in their hearts. He had such a gift for not causing problems but just laying things to rest in such a simple and perfect way.

Its funny how one thing such as openness, honesty, and candor can be such a gift, as it is in my marriage to John. Tenderness of heart and pure intentions can be a gift to my children and to a friend who is in need. But then in a situation like I find myself in now it is not only the catalyst for getting me into something that seemed so straightforward and is then used against me as a weapon....

I guess I just have to remember that one day I will have to stand before God and be judged according to what is in my heart, for only he knows. And in that day it wont matter what others thought but only that I feel and my Heavenly Father and Savior feel that I have done my best, with my best intentions of heart.

Updated: At first I was reluctant about his post but now I'm so glad that I did since I received so many answers to the questions that I pose in here. Its a miracle that is now documented in this simple blog of ours. Thank you Elder Hales for being aware of me and my struggles months ago. I love Conference and all that it offers us!

Lets have a moment of silence please....

Yes, its so sad but we have sold our BYU Homecoming tickets. We did it for a variety of reasons...Ive had some contractions and also just to save the money since things are so freaky with the economy right now. We know its for the best but that doesn't mean we cant pout about it right?

If only they didn't have to be so stinking good it would lessen our pain a little bit. What if they go undefeated this year and we could have said we went to the Homecoming game that wonderful 2008 season....

I think I'm going to go soak in the tub and cry to a sad movie

Confessions of a Scaredycat

I have tried for years to put on a brave face but those who know me really well know that I am terrified of being alone at night. Ive been like this for as long as I can remember . Please no words of comfort like, "Fear can keep you up all night, but Faith makes one nice pillow..." Ive heard them all and its not God I'm afraid of at night its men and what they do with their agency because lets be honest, sometimes bad things happen to good people...Plus just in case some of my sarcasm doesn't come across in type, while this is a real problem, I'm poking fun at myself here...

The first thing I can remember that might have started this "problem" is when I was about 6 and at my friend Penny's house, who had older brothers. They were watching Friday the 13th and we were playing dolls in the corner. I wish my Mom had been there to tell me to look away you REALLY don't want to watch this but I was 6 and not very smart at the time and well it was.....terrifying but I couldn't look away!

The second thing I can come up with was a playground rumor that the Night stalker (serial killer in so cal in the 80's) had struck in my neighborhood. I'm not sure if this is really true but it really stuck with me. I'm sure my parents thinking they were helping me as a child told me he never went into houses where the door or windows were not already open. Since ours were always locked I had nothing to worry about right? At least I know where my fear of sleeping with a window open comes from, much to Johns dismay, and let me tell you if I even suspect a door has been not locked I have to check. Sometimes, twice.

Then we moved out to Brea where we lived by the foothills. See in my mind I thought, shoot there is only one house between ours and the hills, would they stop at our neighbors or come to the bigger house next door? It didn't help that I have one very vivid memory of a helicopter with a searchlight looking at those hills by our house one night.

Then there was the coyotes that hunt at night and no matter what we did (music, my mom singing to me) you just cant block out that sound of barking and yipping...oh yeah and one of my friends went into a very vivid description of how coyotes hunted so with my imagination I could see the hunt in my mind...oh and I lost quite a few cats to those coyotes too.

Then there was the time I started to walk back from my friend Joni's house (if I remember right Mark was here with me on this one so it just wasn't me) and her older sister and boyfriend were parked across the street, doing whatever in the dark so I couldn't see who it was. They saw sweet innocent little me and he decided to say, "Hey little girl want a piece of candy." In a deep scary voice. I did exactly what I had been told. I went right back into my friends house and called 911...on her sisters boyfriend.

So somewhere around 14 or 15 I stopped babysitting, most people thought it was my busy social calendar but actually I was just to scared to do it anymore!

Why do I tell you all of this, just to help explain that all of this explains my insomnia through the years. Its like I think I have to be my very own ADT. No burglar is going to catch me sleeping innocently! When I went away to college I moved into the 3rd floor of a building of like 300 girls and I was in the middle room on our floor...its the best year of sleeping Ive EVER had!

NOW for the REAL point of why I told you all this....Normally I don't wake up when John goes to work early but now that I'm pregnant and peeing every 2 hours I wake up a lot. So I told him no more leaving before 6 because I just cant take it right now. Due to NO fault of his own, his boss said they weren't going for a bid and then changed his mind yesterday, and the bid had to be delivered around 8:30 so he had to leave for work at 3:30. This is still a time when I wont sleep if I'm alone.

Instead of staying in bed I just get up and work on some things. Unfortunately Caleb also woke up so I told him to go crawl in our bed and I would be there soon, thinking he would go back to sleep on his own. No luck so I bravely decided today is the day, I WILL go back to sleep too.... On my way in I check on Davis and come out and there is the biggest blackest weird bug on our wall, like a mixture between a beetle, spider, and cricket. Well, I know I wont sleep with that crawling around. So in my tired 4 in the morning mind I get out the fly swatter to kill this thing. Direct HIT! Where the heck did it go!!?! I couldn't find the stupid bug anywhere. I knew there was no chance if I didn't find this thing for me to go to sleep, so I keep searching. All of a sudden I feel a crunch under my heel! I scream and wipe my foot on a towel...still no bug. I know I stepped on it but its disappeared again, but seriously I was not worried at this point because what bug could survive under the heel of a woman 6 months pregnant!

I climb confidently into bed with Caleb (leaving a few lights on for extra security) and about a minute later the coyotes in our neighborhood decide to go in for a kill! Honestly! I have heard them only once since we moved in WHY does it have to be this morning!

Caleb is scared and he cuddles up to me and says, Mommy I'm so scared. I in my very strong Mommy voice tell him there is nothing to worry about and NO reason to be scared....He falls asleep kicking me and swinging his arms all over while Beckham kicks me and swings his arms all over inside and I stay awake, their very own ADT alarm and don't fall asleep until somewhere around 6:30...which is when Davis decided to get up this morning!